A cocktail party invitation

Ms Leni Qinan is proud to announce that she has successfully completed and copyrighted her last novel “The Diary of a slave”, inspired by and dedicated to someone who couldn't bother reading it, and is undoubtedly pissed off at the author for having failed to tame her wild spirit and submit her rebel soul.

6 months deprived of sleep, writing and struggling with translations, typos and formats for countless hours, to produce:

173 pages
2.040 paragraphs
5.326 lines
38.677 words
215.088 characters

You are cordially invited to the cocktail party that will be offered to all those friends, playmates, neighbours and acquaintances who have been patiently and eagerly waiting for this moment.
Thank you very much for your constant love and support.

Wednesday, April 30th
7:00 – 10:00PM - South Georgia and South Sandwich Islands Ritz Hotel, Grytviken

No Gor players or weapons allowed.

I will be very honoured if you ever feel inclined to read my humble book. Reviewed and complete Spanish and English versions are available to anyone who wants to read them (top left links).

It certainly is a good night for me, because I am definitely free now and this is great news, wherever I am!

"TV song" (Zita Swoon) - Live at Rock Werchter (2005)

The intro is missing, but the song is incredibly beautiful and means a lot to me tonight.

Farewell at the Tiki bar (III)

- Len: who the fuck is that Walt and why are you going to the party with him???
- And what do you care??? You dumped me!!!
- That’s technically impossible, babe, we never dated. Now answer my question, please: who’s Walt?
- A good friend.
- How good?
- As good as to show me how jealous you can be of any male predator who would be stalking me.
- I’m not jealous.
- Call it what you want to, but you don’t need to conceal those jealousy feelings creeping up on you. I love them.
- Dream on ... now forget about Walt; give him the finger; get the cheerleader stuff and say you'll go to the party with me.
- Just for my info… is the word “please” included in your vocabulary? -I asked-
- Of course it is. Will you PLEASE go to the party with me? -he said-
- Good. I will. It was easy, wasn’t it?
- I told you not to be the smarty-pants, Len.
- Ok. I may have a light blue outfit but no pompons.
- Hum... I’ll see to it, don’t worry.

My light blue pleated tennis mini skirt and top would do for a cheerleader. The day after Bob came home to pick me up.

- Wow Len! You look stunning! –he said-
- Thanks!
- I have something for you. –he said, handing me two light blue pompons-
- Oh, thank you! Where did you buy them?
- I made them myself at home this morning with old stuff I found in the attic.

I could have kissed him right on the spot but I held back my enthusiasm and offered him a big smile instead. I shook the pompons and jumped, overwhelmed with happiness. They were great! We put our coats on and went out.

I pressed the lift button and gave him a second smile. We took the lift downstairs, but when we reached the fifth floor, it creaked dreadfully. We looked at each other not daring to say anything. Some seconds later, there was another horrible crunch and the lift abruptly ground to a halt. The metal door opened very slowly and placed us in front of a concrete wall. We were shut in. My heart was beating fast. My legs started shaking.

- Bearing in mind that it’s almost midnight and my neighbours would report me to the police if I rang the alarm bell now, I presume it's over. Kaput. Finito. No one will ever hear us. Air and space are in short supply here. We are going to die of hunger, thirst and fright, suffocated inside this damned lift!!! –I said in a panic-
- Calm down, baby. A gorgeous fireman will get you out very soon. –he laughed-
- Nooo! The mobile phones are out of coverage and everybody’s out for the week-end; we will stay here unnoticed until next Monday!!!

I was really frightened. He noticed that, held me tight and whispered into my ear:

- Nothing wrong is gonna to happen to you, baby. Trust me. –he said as he stroke my hair-.

The pompons fell on the floor. I couldn’t resist feeling him so close and kissed him real deep. Teeth clashed and tongues licked causing waves of lust. We were overwhelmed with desire. He pulled me firmly towards him so that his chest and hips were pressed against mine.

- I want you so badly, Len –he said-.

We were leaning on the lift’s wall, but slowly slid down to the floor, where we started heavy petting. I was almost delirious with desire. My hands travelled down his chest to the waistband of his boxer shorts. Plain white. No trace of the Orsinian flag this time. I slid my hand underneath and teased him. We moved together; my heart was beating like thunder.

Everything was happening fast. I urgently undid his jeans and he ripped my string off. Then, he removed my bra completely, hissing with pleasure. He tasted of sweet venom; of irresistible temptation and unveiled mystery.

I had dreamed a hundred times of that moment. But it always happened on a bed full of red rose petals; in the highest tower of a medieval castle; on the golden sands of a tropical beach; on the snows of mountains on top of the world; on thick white cotton-like clouds a thousand feet high; under the wet exotic breezes of the monsoon; even in my warm and humble bed. Yet although we were shut in an old lift covered in the marks, scratches and blows it had picked up over the years ... it didn’t really matter to me where the hell we were, as long as we were together. Waves after waves of pleasure were flowing through the two of us.

When I thought I could take it no more, we were sucked into the whirl of a Cosmic Orgasm: One of monumental dimensions; huge; overwhelming; ecstatic; unusual; simultaneous; the kind to make you moan without control; almost faint; violently cry with pleasure. In a word: “KOZMIK”.

- Man that was awesome! –I whispered, breathless, spellbound, still shivering and covered with sweat-.

He had a smiling far away look in his eyes and could hardly talk. I snuggled into him, my head on his chest and fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. He smiled at me and pulled his coat over us.

We woke up thirty minutes later, when the lift began to descend slowly. Our journey finished at the ground floor, where the door opened. Just like that. We went upstairs to my flat for a calming coffee.

- Just one trick to make you laugh, ok? A clown’s nose. –he said as he took two small red balls from his pocket-

He put it on and I did too. We cracked up.

- I’m not done with you yet -he said serious, looking into my eyes-

That night the notorious boy of the wild spent the night with me and we played in my bed until the sun rose. When I woke up he was gone, but he had left this note on my pillow:

“Come to my twisted world of bricks and war games and I will do the weirdest things for you, babe. You drive me crazy.

Two galaxies have just crashed above us. Let's dance this waltz while the stardust is falling on our heads.

If I hadn't found you yet, I would be looking for you in my dreams. You're a favourite person.

Bob.”

Again, that night I cried my eyes out until I fell asleep. But those were tears of happiness.

Goodnight to you, wherever you are.



Awesome English translation of the poem "Pequeño vals vienés" (Little wienese waltz) of Federico García Lorca (1898-1936), the Spanish poet killed during the Civil War, and wonderful music by Leonard Cohen. This song is included in his album "I'm your man" (1988).

http://www.leonardcohen.com/music.cgi?album_id=10&song_id=5

Farewell at the Tiki bar (II)

It was midday when I woke up in my bed on Sunday, still wearing my black mini-dress and fishnet stockings, with swollen eyes, dispersed make-up and dishevelled hair. I had a splitting headache.

My mobile beeped. I checked the SMS inbox, where three messages from Bob were stored:

Saturday night:
“Len, where are you??”
Sunday morning:
“Len, I hope you’re doing well. I’d love to see you soon”.
And Sunday, later on: “Len, speak!!!”
WOW! That was way too much for Mr. Non-Committal! He nearly filled my inbox!
I smiled. “Cool. He will be soon eating out of my hand” –I thought to myself as I put the phone back into my pocket-.

I was having an aspirin when the doorbell rang. I opened it and I had the shock of my life:

- Hi, Len. How are you? –he asked, leaning on the doorframe.
- Uh oh, to what do I owe the honour of your visit? –I said-. Come in, have a seat. By the way, I hope I didn’t dance naked on the tables at the bar yesterday… I can’t remember very clearly what I did before I left.- You danced naked on my lap. You were absof*ck*ng wonderful and kinky, baby. Your dance has been very acclaimed among the clientelle.- Very funny, Bob. –I said, jaded-

He chuckled.

- Is the hangover over, honey? –he asked-
- Actually that’s a horrible alliteration. I suppose you received good marks in English at school –I said looking to the other side- .

- That’s not alliteration but rhyming, smarty-pants. I see you’re still in a regrettable state. And very resented too.- Oh get lost!
- Hey, child, behave! I am being nice, but I can also be a pain in the ass if you’re nasty! Don’t you check your SMS and your e-mails? I’ve sent you some. –he said, raising his voice-.
- Why should I check your messages?
- Len, you’re being very silly. I worried a lot about you yesterday. Let’s make peace, please. I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I hurt you.
I gazed into his big blue eyes. I could have eaten him alive. But held back my intentions and I anxiously ate a candy bar instead.

- I like you a lot, Len. But I don’t want to get involved. This is not personal; I don’t want to have a relationship with anyone.
- Why do you take so much pleasure from repeating this over and over again? It’s already stuck in my head like glue. I like you a lot too, Bob. And I want you. But you’re too proud to admit that you want me too. That is an irrefutable fact and I'm sorry to be so direct, but that's just the way it is. –I smiled ironically, pointing at him-.
- You won’t stop it until I say ‘yes’, right?- No, baby, I’ll make you beg and that will be a lot worse than a simple 'yes'.
- You’re side splittingly funny, Len. And just for your info: I never beg –he said, laughing-
- You will very soon. –I said throwing daggers at him-. “You have your thoughts and I have mine. This is the fact. And you can't change it even if you kill me”; anarchist quotation, it matches bloody well right here.
There was a deathly silence.

- Anarchist quotation, did you say? -he asked-
- Yes. Why?
- Are you an anarchist? –he asked-
- My grandparents were anarchists and trade unionists.
- Wow… baby… that is a nice pedigree… I didn’t know it was in your blood! -he said, smiling-
- I’m only side splittingly funny, in your own words. And the butt of your jokes tonight! But yes, it is in my blood -I said, staring at him and nodding energetically-

There was again a deathly silence. What I said made him feel really bad. He was pissed off.

- Even though your grandpas were anarchists, you're nothing but a posh, flighty bird, halfway between a gipsy and an airhead; born in a remote catholic island of redneck ancestors!
I gasped. I was dumbfounded and furious.

- OOOOh what a bunch of political incorrections!!! You are a wacky arrogant, self opinionated weirdo, who goes all over the place screaming “Fuck Orsinia!” (1) and yet wears patriotic Orsinian flag boxers under his trousers! I’m gonna throw up on your shoes! I hate you!!! – I said crying-
-What? ??How did you find out about my boxers??? It's a gift from my ex!!!
- Right, the hot Orsinian babe!-I am over it!- No you're not! And this is the reason why you don’t want anything with me!

There was a deathly silence once more. I terribly regretted having said all that. He stroke my hair, but withdraw his hand straightaway.

- Shit, Len, what’s happening here? I didn’t mean that, honest. You know I would never hurt you.
- Do I know you would never hurt me? –I cried, staring at him-.

We looked at each other very quietly for some seconds. He was finished.

- Len, I’ve had it! I definitely think we’ve gone too far. I’m going home. –he said, and left my flat slamming the door-.

That night, I cried my eyes out again until I fell asleep.

I didn’t hear from him for the next four days, until I got another SMS on Friday morning:

“I’m very sorry. And you should be too. Let’s make peace for hell’s sake”
And this other one, just some two hours later:

“Say something, Len, pls”

And even a third one in the afternoon:

”Come with me to the cheerleader party on Sunday at the club. Please say yes. Love, Bob”.
Love? Had he hit his head perhaps? I took my mobile and sent my answer to him:

“I’m going to the party with Walt”

Just two minutes later he called me and asked, very angry:

-LEN: WHO THE FUCK IS THAT WALT AND WHY ARE YOU GOING TO THE PARTY WITH HIM???

(To be continued)

(1) Orsinia is an imaginary country created by Ursula K. Le Guin and depicted in her book “Orsinian Tales”. It is used here as a false name for the real country I refer to. Yeah, the one on Bob's boxers.

"I will possess your heart" (Death cab for cutie)

Farewell at the Tiki Bar (I)

It was a lazy rainy Saturday evening at 7:00PM. I was watching TV when the phone went.

- Hi, Len!
I knew immediately who was calling. Nobody else calls me Len.

- Hi Bob! How’s things? –I asked-
- Just fine. And how are you?
- Perfect, thanks.- Wanna meet up?- That would be lovely.

We had met downtown in a park some months ago; he was asking for directions; I was walking my dog. Nobody was helping him. I thought he deserved some attention and after I explained to him which way he should take, we had a very pleasant chat and ended up playing Lego at his place. He was an architect. He had a hundred box-building sets containing a zillion bricks and scale models of all the buildings, bridges and dams he had made. When he finished the skyscrapper, he prepared two cups of coffee and rolled a pair of blunts to celebrate Skyscrapper's Day.

Since then, we had been going out as friends for weeks. We used to go dancing, playing or simply chatting. At the beginning I was not very excited with the idea. He was sometimes weird, complex and a bit sharp, but I soon noticed he softened his funny ways when I was around. He dazzled me with unselfishness and brightness and I became very fond of him.

I certainly found him most peculiar, but I like unconventional people and the way they struggle to survive in this conventional world. I enjoyed being with him and in all honesty, I thought I was special to him too. But soon I sniffed out the stinking smell of danger there.

That Saturday afternoon we met up at the Tiki Bar, an old fashioned place where the tropical impressive décor added an exotic touch to the atmosphere. We waved hello, softly kissed and ordered two drinks.

From the very beginning we used words like "baby", "darling" or "sweety" to adress each other. I never got my hopes up with him just because of that, though; or so I thought. But that Saturday evening -after my third Mai-Tai cocktail- I was a bit buzzed and started doing silly things, like sitting on his lap. Don't ask me why I did it: I was pissed.

- Tell me if I’m heavy Bob, and if so I'll stand up. -I said, putting my arms around his neck-
- No babe, you’re light as a feather. -he laughed-
- Cool. 'Cos I was not gonna move anyways. I feel very comfortable here -I said-- Good!

Perhaps we were not so close to handle the situation as naturally as I expected; perhaps I went too far, although I thought I didn't; perhaps my naughtiness scared him, although I never thought I was scary; perhaps he thought that even if I wasn't saying much, I was drunk and therefore I would be telling the truth; but the truth was that I fucked up there.

- Let me ask you something. -he said, seriously-
- Sure. Shoot. -I said, sipping from my cocktail cup-.

Just as I suspected it was time to get scared, so I stopped playing the fool.

- Len... are you looking for a relationship?

He left me speechless.

- No. At least not deliberately. I just let things happen.

As a result of the rhum overdose effects, I just could manage to babble these lousy sentences to answer his unexpected question. But that was very true: I have never looked for a relationship in my whole life. It was rather more exact to say that relationships have found me; and by the way, unprotected most times. I gasped.

- Good.- Why do you ask?
- Because I think we’re growing into one. And I wouldn’t want that.–he said as he gazed into my eyes-. Sorry to be so direct. But I had to tell you.
My mind was working terribly slow, yet I squeezed my brains helplessly trying to speed up a proper answer. But I could just get a soft-headed, prize-idiot-like reply, that I regretted as soon as the words were pathetically coming out of my mouth:

- If my informality makes you feel uncomfortable, then I’ll try not to be so friendly.

What the hell could I say??? I stood up from his lap in a jiffy.

- Come on, Len. Sit on my lap again, don’t be silly. I won't bite you.
- No. That's ok. I’m fine like this.

But I was very far from being fine. I started realising how badly I wanted him. Otherwise, being rejected before we had even started would not be hurting like hell. Anyway, I pulled myself together and kept smiling that stupid smile on my face, pretending everything was ok.

- Len. –he said-
- Yes. What.
- You’re one hell of a gal, ok? –he said as he held my chin firmly between his thumb and index fingers, softly lifting my face and staring at me-.
- Thanks.
Shit. I didn’t need his sympathy. My nonsensical conversation was getting worse by the minute, to the point that I didn’t know what to say or do. Suddenly I couldn’t resist the urge to leave.

- So…
- I need to go, Bob.
- Why so early? Because of what I said?- I really need to go.
- Hey, I want a goodbye kiss before you leave.

And I kissed him. I enjoyed his sweet lips probably for the last time. All my life I wanted to make a stone of my heart, but I never could: I take things for granted and get easily hurt by words and facts that would go unnoticed for other people. That's silly and I hate it, but there's nothing I can do about it.

- Will we meet tonight?
- I don't know, Bob.
- I'll try to be at the club. Not sure though.
- Ok.
It was pointless to extend the agony. We both knew that we wouldn't go to the club that night, so it would have been much better to leave it as it was.

- Len, tell me that you're alright, please.

- I'm alright. -I said, with a faltering whisper-

- Gosh you're not! I'm sorry baby, but I had to tell you!

- Ok dude, thanks indeed for being so thoughtful.

I was being very ruthless. But I didn't really mean what I was saying. He pretended he hadn't heard me.

- I'll take you home.

- Thanks, but no!

- You can't drive, you're pissed.

- I'll take a taxi. And please, stop feeling sorry.

I closed my eyes to hold back the tears. I've always been unable to protect myself against these situations. I waved goodbye and took a taxi.

When I finally made it safe and sound to my place, I gave up pretending I was invulnerable and cried my eyes out until I fell asleep.

Goodnight to you, wherever you are.

Solitary AVO Session

"Solitary" (Skye Edwards)