SURREAL ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Mystic hunting (I)

A tediously boring documentary on the Republic of Mornia (1) –a remote country that I couldn’t even place in the map- was on the TV. I was painting my toenails pink when the phone went.

- Hi Len. It’s me –said a male voice-.

You must be wondering who the hell it was and how the hell I bloody perfectly knew who it was.


- Wow! The dude who likes doing really naughty things in elevators! -I said-
- Yeah, the selfsame one!

We hadn’t spoken since that night at the elevator. Some days had passed but I didn’t dare to call him; I thought it was better to leave the ball on his roof. When I heard his voice again, I shuddered with pleasure and accidentally spilled some pink nail polish on my feet.

- Hey Len, are you there? –he asked-.
- I’m here, yes. How is it going?
- Perfect! How are you?
- I’m fine, thanks.
- Tell me, babe… do you have any plans for the weekend?
- Hm… not yet.
- That’s cool. Just in case Walt the Jerk would ask you out… give him the finger again, please. Would you like to go shooting with me?

Jeez. Shooting. I knew he enjoyed playing online war games, but I never thought he enjoyed real shooting. Some of his interests were history, wars and weapons. He was a natural born player and the kind of guy who needed an overwhelming victory from time to time. He played Enemy Territory (2) as a lonely soul; as a mercenary who would never team up. He released his spare adrenaline aiming at any moving target in his monitor, under the name of “Alec Magnus”.

Some days after we had met, he asked me what my e-mail was and sent me a summary of his weekly sessions, including a screenshot of the winners’ ranking –where he was the best- adding only this short sentence: “Alec Magnus strikes again”. From the very beginning I knew he was not the kind of guy who washes his car every Sunday.

I have always been afraid of firearms –of any kind of arms, in fact- and fiercely opposed to them. And about hunting… I could never understand why anyone would want to shoot a wild animal. That was definitely against my principles. I started squeezing my brains trying desperately to think of the politest way to say I wouldn’t go without hurting him.

- I’d love to, Bob. But I’ve never gone shooting. Fishing with my mom and dad in summer in a river overcrowded with trouts when I was a kid, is the closest I’ve ever been to hunting. -I said-
- It doesn’t matter, Len. I’ll teach you. That will be fun.
- With my kind of bad luck I’ll probably end up blowing a hole right through your feet!


We laughed. My first attempts to decline his invitation didn’t seem to be working. I continued talking as I looked for a credible excuse.

- I didn’t know you were a hunter, Bob –I said-
- I've been a hunter pretty much all my life, but I've never really shot anything terribly big. Only rabbits and pigeons.
- Hm. I suppose you have a license.

- Wrong assumption, baby.
- Oh my gawd! You’re a poacher!!!
- Yeah missy, my pleasure! This adds a charming touch to my hunting. But I am most confident: should anything happen to me, you could always be my lawyer.
- I don't think I could possibly do that!!! On top of it I will be shooting with you, the authorities will catch me too!!!

- Aww… what a lovely rhyme! Wouldn’t it be nice to go to jail together, Len?

I needed some seconds to catch my breath.

- At least I hope you don’t eat what you hunt. - I said-
- What do you mean?
- Say that you shoot a rabbit; will you cook it and eat it?
- Yeah, what’s the problem?
- It hasn’t passed the sanitation control.
- My rabbit has been naturally fed with organic stuff. No hormones. No stress in its blood. It has lived in the open air. Not encaged in a farm, but enjoying total freedom. What’s wrong with that?

My thoughts were getting very controversial at that point. I wouldn’t betray my ideas but my will was getting weaker all the time: I was quickly and dangerously running out of excuses.

- Say yes, Len.
- I wouldn’t trust you with a gun in your hands. I don’t even know if I can trust you without a gun!
- You're very funny, babe, but you know you can trust me. With or without a gun.

Bob was very persistent. I was struggling with the balance of pros and cons. I started thinking that maybe I didn’t have to be that strict, as far as my principles were concerned.

- Where are we going? What do I need to take? And how long are we gonna be out? -I asked-
- Forests of Lowenia (3). I’ll take care of the hunting stuff. We will be out Friday and Saturday and back home on Sunday morning.
- Hm… and where are we supposed to sleep?
- In the open air if it’s warm. In my tepee if it rains.
- I haven’t slept in a tepee since my college days and I swore to God I would never do that again unless I would be suffering from severe alcohol intoxication.
- Get pissed, then. But I won’t let you shoot if you do. I have a warm sleeping bag for two. But I’m sorry to say I won’t share it with you. And this was not meant to rhyme.

I smiled.

- That’s ok. Stop the cheap poetry. I have my own sleeping bag.
-I said-
- Cool. I know what you’re asking yourself right now.
- Oh, it seems that this evening you can read my mind. And what is it, if I may ask.
- Yes, you may. You’re asking yourself if this is the bag where I used to sleep with my ex.

Fucking Orsinian babe again.

- Frankly my dear, I don't give a rat's ass!!!
- Yes, we used to sleep in it.
- Ok, thanks for this valuable piece of information. I hope you disinfect germs carefully before I get in, if I ever do, which is very unlike to happen out of Dreamland!
- We agree at last, baby. It won’t happen; not in a million years. Not even if you implore me on your bended knees! –he said, dying of laughter-

And then there was silence.

- Now seriously, Len, I know what you’re thinking: you’re against fire arms; against shooting and hunting; against illegalities; and last but not least: against my taste for transgressions, right? -he said-
- No, I really like your taste for transgressions. Honest.
- Do you think I'm an aggressive guy? Tell me, please. In all honesty.
- No, Bob, I don't.
- That’s cool, baby. Join me then. You will discover secrets about yourself that you haven't noticed yet but were always there, lurking like ghosts in the shadows of your soul: the sweet taste of wildness in your blood; the intense feeling of your primary instincts; the dark mistery of your animality hidden; the mystic experience of being one with nature; the magic brutality that you can control at all times and the pleasure you will be experiencing when you set it free. Let me give you a different perspective, so you can have more elements of judgement. Only then you will be able to decide what you want to think.

Gosh, how could I possibly say no??? This could be messy but I decided to run the risk: I had no choice but surrender my heart to his fascinating words.

- Ok Bob, I’ll go shooting with you.


(To be continued)

(1) Mornia: Another fictionnal country. The most remote and deadly boring fictionnal country on Earth.
(2) Enemy Territory, previously known as Wolfenstein, is an online multi-player game, where the players interact with each other over a network in two teams (
Allies and Axis) to defend or destroy mission objectives during WW2.
(3) Forests of Lowenia: Fictionnal place too.





The Doors "The ghost song"

22 comments:

Grass said...

whohoo! another blog about Bob again, the very story I've been dying to read again *haha, exaggerating as usual*

You hate guns? Oh come on, I thought lawyers should own one :-) I'm thinking of having one myself because my dad has got a collection and my job is risky :-)

So! You're going shooting huh! You might as well enjoy the moment with Bob The Great, of Alexandria and share his tepee with him (hope it rains!) he's right.. It will give you opportunity to get to know him well :-) and vice versa, if you're willing :-)

Enjoy my dear! :-)

Looking forward to the next part of this post ... :p


xxx Grass

p.s. I so envy you! LOL

max said...

Vaya Leni, otra vez aparece el pesado de Bob. ahora se querrá hacer el "machito" con la escopeta.

Te repito que este chaval no te interesa. Demasiado "sobrao" para la poca determinación que demuestra después en los "momentos clave". Además, se te nota demasiado que estás colada por él y eso, creeme, si lo sabe un tío, podrá manejarte a su antojo.

A ver si, por lo menos, en la segunda parte se vuela un dedo del pie o termina en el calabozo. No puedo evitarlo...le tengo manía.

Leni Qinan said...

Yeah, you’ll love the next one, sis!

Thanks for commenting so early, Grass, that’s cute!

It’s not exactly that I hate guns. I think the requirements to get a license should be more demanding (in my opinion, in some countries –like Orsinia- it’s too easy to get one). I can say I am more afraid of the gun’s owner, rather than being afraid of guns!

Anyway, Bob The Great doesn’t need a license –he is quite a steady guy though-. And just in case the cops would arrest him… I would defend him, hahahah.

The funny thing with this guy is that he is opening my eyes to stuff I was not aware of. It stimulates my senses and offers new points of view; he is a very inspirational person, and this is always nice, don’t you think so?

Yes, I am willing to get to know him well, lol and enjoying! And I hope vice-versa too! The next post will be coming out soon!

XXX. Leni.

Leni Qinan said...

Hola Max, ya veo que sigues igual de macarra que siempre.
¿Por qué les tienes tanta manía a los tíos que andan conmigo?
¿Cómo puedes saber si me interesan o no?
¿Tú qué sabes si estoy o no colada? Y finalmente
¿Qué te hace pensar que me manejará a su antojo?

Cálmate un poco, chico, que te va a dar algo.

Leni Qinan said...

TRANSLATION FOR THOSE WHO DON'T SPEAK SPANISH (LET'S KEEP THE COMMUNICATION CHANNELS OPEN, IN SPITE OF THE LANGUAGE BARRIER):

Max said:
Wow Leni, once again that boring Bob. Now he will want to be the “macho man” with his gun.
Let me repeat this: this guy is not convenient to you. He is sometimes too proud but not enough determined in the key moments.

On top of it, it's too apparent that you're crazy about him, and if he finds out, he will do anything to you.
I hope he shoots his toe or goes to jail in the 2nd instalment of your story. I can't help it: I don't like him.

Leni said:
Hi Max, you're still such a big-head.
How come you never like the guys I go out with?
How in the world you know if they're convenient for me or not?
How can you possibly know that I am crazy about him?
and last but not least:

What makes you think he will do anything (wrong) to me?

Calm down, please or you'll be swooning away.

(I'LL BE HAPPY TO TRANSLATE EVEN IF YOU WANT TO REPLY)

max said...

Querida Leni,

Muy fácil saber porqué no te interesa...el chico no se parece en nada a mí.

Un beso

Leni Qinan said...

No puedo creer lo que estoy leyendo. No te pases. No me gustan los creídos, así que te caes de la lista.

Besos? Ni lo sueñes!

Leni Qinan said...

TRANSLATION:

Max said:

Dear Leni: It's easy to find out the reason why he is not convenient for you: he's not like me.
Kiss.


Leni said:

I can't believe what I'm reading. Don't be the smart ass. I hate conceited guys, so you're not in my list.

Kisses? Not in a million years!!!

Mario Bro said...

Leni, no seas cruel con el pobre Max, aunque sea un poco bruto ¿no te das cuenta de que está locamente enamorado de tí?

Leni Qinan said...

¿Y tú de dónde sales?

Leni Qinan said...

2N TRANSLATION OF THIS POST:

Mario Bro said:
Leni, don't be cruel to poor Max. Can't you see that -although he is a bit rude- he is madly in love with you?

Leni said:
Who are you and where do you come from?

Grass said...

Hello again sis!

Maybe Max and Mario is one and the same person..lol Thanks for translating sis! I had fun reading the exchange of comments from you and Max. Who is Max by the way? A friend of yours?

:-) Keep smiling.. :-)

xxx Grass

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Grass!

Yeah, Max is a friend of mine -a bit of a yob sometimes, btw, but a harmless and nice guy-

Hm... I wouldn't be surprised that Mario was his alter ego. I'll check up with him, but I'm not sure he will confess.

XXX. Leni.

s said...

oooh hunting with Bob (the Great, hehe), you and him all alone in the forests of Lowenia ... that must be exciting! Very brave of you to go with him and push your principles to the side. I am defenitaly looking forward to part 2.
Be carefull tho, im sure you dont want to spent time in the pokey.

Greets, Mocky

(see i can rhyme too, and write down my name hahaa)

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Mocky!

Yeah, very exciting to be hunting in the forests of Lowenia with H.M. Bob The Great. But I'm not really into pigeons or rabbits: my thing is rather BIG GAME, hahahaha.

Having said this, it's obvious that I didn't really push my principles to the side; of course I wanted to know Bob's point of view, but I also evaluated the potential risks and took my chances to go for that one, hahahah. I'm a risk taker and an adventurer, you know by now, I suppose.

Of course I don't want to spend time in the pokey!!! But... jeez Mocky, there are some temptations that I just can't resist.

Working hard on part 2.
I hope you come back to read it too. (yes, intended to rhyme, lol)

Thanks a lot for commenting, it's always nice to have you around. :)

Len.

Fernando said...

Bob again?????

Mmmmmm. This is amazing...

Pero Leni... ¿No te irás a enamorar?

Jajajajaja. Just kiding.

Eres mi Sniper favorita. Mi visitanre más leal. Así que te mereces un beso gigante.

Leni Qinan said...

Hola Fernan!
Uffffff, qué preguntas! No sé cómo acabará todo esto!

¿Tu sniper favorita? jajajaja. La verdad es que soy un desastre disparando, pero gracias por el beso gigante. Ahí te mando uno igual de gigante para tí solo.

Entre mis muchos defectos hay una pequeñísima virtud, que es la lealtad. Eso vale tanto para lo real como para lo virtual. Así que no te va a quedar más remedio que aguantarme, jajajajajaja.

XXX. Leni.

Leni Qinan said...

3RD TRANSLATION -MY PLEASURE, GUYS-:

Fernando said:

Bob again?????

Mmmmmm. This is amazing...

But Leni... I hope you're not falling in love!!!

Jajajajaja. Just kidding.

You're my favorite sniper.The most loyal visitor of my blog. So you deserve a giant kiss.


Leni said:

Hi Fernan!
Wow, what a question! I don't know where this is going to end!

Your favorite sniper, hahahah. To be honest, I am terrible shooting, but thanks for the giant kiss. There's another one on its way, only for you.

Among my many flaws, there is a tiny virtue: loyalty. It works for both the real and the virtual world. So you have no choice but putting up with me, hahahaha.

XXX. Leni.

Anonymous said...

Não sei o que se está passando entre Mario, Max e tu! Presumo algum conflito de ordem amorosa como descreves em teu Post. Mas agora não era para comentar isso. Apenas me reportar ao teu convite para o Cocktail que deste em 30.04. no lançamento da novela "Diário de uma escrava". Que pena eu não ter estado ali.
Parabens por tudo.
Besos
Manoel Carlos

Leni Qinan said...

Manoel Carlos! Qué alegría, otra vez tenerte por aquí!

Bien, Max es un amigo un poco celoso. Mario, sospecho que es el mismo Max que comenta con otro nombre.

Me alegro de que hayas leído mi invitación al cóctel -qué pena que no pudieras venir! pero habrá más!-. Mi libro está a tu disposición, y a la de cualquier visitante que quiera leerlo.

XXX, dondequiera que estés.

Leni Qinan said...

TRANSLATION OF MY PORTUGUESE BLOGFRIEND MANOEL CARLOS'S COMMENT:

Anónimo said:

I don't know what's happening between Mario, Max and you! I assume that it's some kind of love affair, as you describe in your post, but I won't be commenting on that.
I'd just like to thank you for your cocktail invite for the launching of your last novel "The diary of a slave". Pity I couldn't be there. Congrats!
Kisses.
Manoel Carlos

Leni said:

Manoel Carlos! I'm so glad t see you again over here!
Well, Max is a jealous friend of mine. I suspect Mario is also Max, commenting under another name.
I'm very happy that you have received my cocktail invite -what a shame you couldn't be there, but there will be more parties!-
Mi book is available to you and any visitor who may want to read it.

XXX, wherever you are.

hanny said...

Hi there! Shooting is fun but I just hate the noise. I have never went hunting though, just some practice shooting. My husband owns a gun just for security purposes. There are many weirdos here in the US so it's necessary to own a gun.

So how old is Bob? I was just curious because my husband is now is mid-20's but still plays online game. I think he used to play Wolfentein. Must be a guy thing!!

Off to go read more about your trip with Bob:))