Sunday, June 8, 2008

Chemistry, fire and ice

Maybe I had been too direct. Bob’s answer to my question was most unconvincing but I thought I shouldn’t insist, so I let it go: I didn’t want to put him between a rock and a hard place.

We went to my flat first to pick up some stuff I needed: my toothbrush, a painkiller, some sexy undies and a nightie –though I was not at all in shape to do the hula for the moment-, and a beauty case that would not help me hide the bruises.

Bob was an extremely gracious host: he lived only for me.

Was I comfortable? “Sit on the couch, Len. You’ll be fine there”
Did I feel alright? “Does it hurt, Len? I’ll bring you your painkiller”
Would I like to eat something? “Lick the plate clean, Len. You’re skinny”
Was I bored? “Let’s play a bit of Enemy Territory with my fighting buddies”
Did I like the music? “I’ll put some Ramstein on while I work on a blueprint. I bet you’ll like them”
Would I like to watch a film? “What do you prefer, Len? Eraserhead? Zombies flesh eaters? Sin City?”

We watched Zombies flesh eaters. I must say it was hard, right after Spaghetti Bolognese, Pork Tetrazzini and apple cake extra portion with vanilla ice cream topped with sauce of syrup.

But that was life! Laying on the couch and being so well looked after; spending quality time with Bob the Great; being fattened up; watching disgusting scary movies; listening to the hardest rocking hard rock music; playing war games with Mr. World-Beater and friends; chit-chatting with my favorite man and basically bumming around all day without having to work!

While we were watching the zombies, I had to close my eyes to skip the famous eyeball scene, probably the most disgusting one in movie history. I snuggled up to him. He rubbed my back with light circles and pulled me closer.

- Are you scared, baby? –he asked, pulling my shirt up a little bit, lightly grazing my skin with his fingers-

I nodded, covering my eyes. His cell phone rang.

- HELLO. WHO IS IT? –he answered angrily-. Len. It’s for you. Mr. Al Cohol. There will always be an idiot who will interrupt the most beautiful moments –he said, handing me the cell phone-.

Mr. Cohol just wanted to make sure I survived to his blow. I told him I did; I asked him not block the cycle path anymore, and particularly not to beat anyone up again, more specifically Bob. The guy almost cried, probably drunk as a lord. I felt so overwhelmed that I also cried with him. Bob snatched the phone from my hand and said:

- Hey, enough tear-jerking, man. She needs some rest, ok? –he said to Mr. Cohol, and finished the conversation-. What a jerk! –said Bob-.

He dried my tears and asked:

- Aww… do you feel a little bit mushy today, honey? Let’s have a big squishy cuddle and then a nice kiss.

That was exactly what I needed. The zombies were still eating flesh on the TV after our lovely kiss, but they were not the centre of our attention anymore.

- Len. I had the coolest dream some days ago. And it was a lucid one.
- Oh, did you? Tell me, please. I’m very curious.
–I said-
- I was in Orsinia, sleeping in my hotel room. You arrived suddenly and whispered into my ear the sweetest words I ever heard. –he said smiling a big smile-
- Like what. –I said, smiling back confidently-
- Like you loved me. –he whispered-
- Oh. Does it mean something to you? –I said, playing it coy-
- It means everything to me.
- But everything… how?
- Everything… everything, nosy little person. Isn’t it pretty obvious that I like you?
–he said-
- It is, but you also like trees and dogs.
- You know I like you much more than trees and dogs, baby.
- And what does it mean? That we’re friends with benefits? That I am your fucking buddy? How come you dangerously sound and act like a boyfriend and yet you declare you don’t want to have a relationship?

He held me and said:

- Maybe because since I wake up in the mornings you stay for hours in my brain.
- …
- Maybe because I listen to your phone messages over and over, just to hear your voice.
- …

- Or perhaps because I have accustomed myself to be with you and I miss you badly when you’re not around.

He left me speechless, stunned, my poor mind working at the speed of light, wondering about transcendental questions, such as:


a) Was love that burning ice? That frozen fire? That serious wound that didn't hurt me but exposed my vulnerable beating heart?

b) Or was it just an addiction to him, caused by a dangerous drug called infatuation that made me enter a state of altered consciousness, affecting my brain to the point that it made me blind to his flaws and annoying little habits?


a) Was passion the irresistible urge I felt for him, strong like a dragon, intense like a shooting star, that was driving me into insanity?

b) Or was it just a brief emotion caused by the activity of endorphins related to my brain areas associated with emotions, that wouldn’t last too long?

And last, but not least:

a) Was sex the corporal expression of love and care exchanged with him in the form of extreme pleasure, in the universal language spoken and unchanged for millennia?

b) Or was it just another mechanical effect of our chemistries? Another usual and expected biological response? Or even another way of creating social relationships?

Wow! What a brain fart! What a shot of cheap crappy psychology! But hell, I had so many questions in my head!

Chemistry, fire and ice, shooting stars, dragons and endorphins all mixed up quickly in my disorganized grey matter as he held my face gently; he slipped his tongue inside my mouth and kissed me with such a passion that it seemed to me he would suck the life out of my body. He made it long-lasting, soft and slow, leaving me completely breathless; craving him; asking for more.

He brushed my cheeks and asked:

- Does it hurt here, baby?
- Mmm.. no
–I answered fascinated, mesmerized, gazing into his eyes-
- Is it okay if I go on?
- I’ll kill you if you don’t.
–I whispered-

I saw his wicked smile appear as he asked me again:

- Does it hurt here, sweety? –he said as he stroked my neck -
- Mmmm... yes. A lot.

He unbuttoned my shirt and had a close look. Then pulled my arms crossed over my head and spread my legs wide. I closed my eyes and let myself go, as he patiently took his time to nibble, lick and kiss my neck and shoulders.

- Jeez it’s been so long, baby. I’ve been aching for you. You’ve got one gorgeous body. I’ve been wanting to get inside you all day. –he said-

I loved his dirty-talking little game: sex-on-the-brain, the major sexual organ. He knew that just by stimulating my imagination, I would be begging him to have sex with the rest of my body real soon. I hungrily started to rub him through the fabric of his boxers, my fingers seeking to tease him in sweet revenge.

- Not yet, Len. -he said, stepping back-

He thrust two fingers inside me, making me gasp with intense pleasure. I moved closer, to feel it deeper, but he teased me to hell pulling them out when I was most excited. He did that over and over again, building an awesome tension I would not be able to stand for very long. I protested weakly: “Don’t do that, baby. Please, don’t be bad”. But he just ignored me.

“Please stop it. I can’t take anymore. I want you” –I panted-. He pressed my body against his, and started moving slowly, very slowly, excruciatingly slowly, in and out of me.

- I love you, Len. More than words can say –he whispered-

That was enough to make me dream. My whole body convulsed on him as he started giving me incredible wavegasms. I lost control; I lost track of time until I heard him scream in pleasure. That genuine moment of unfinished happiness made me wake up to reality.

I was breathless. We both were. It took us a minute to get our breath back.

- Did I hear you say you love me? –I asked him-
- Right. You did, babe –he said smiling at me-

He suddenly fell asleep with a calm and happy expression on his face. I felt the urge to hold him; it gave me an enormous sense of wellbeing.

I was going to do that, when I heard a strange noise coming from upstairs.

(To be continued)

"#1 Crush" (Garbage)

IMPORTANT NOTE: The song is very cool, but don't play it at work if your boss is around!


s said...

oh yes!

im late fer work, be back later on :D

Grass said...

Oooh La La! A dose of Bob is what you need to make you better soon Len, oops, sorry, Leni.. :-)

So he does love you eh? What did I tell you? I was right! *hyenical laugh* And he did hear you through his lucid dream.. Wow! Amazed at how powerful love is. :-)

And I'm hangin' on my seat, waiting for the next part to come out..=^_^=

xxx Grass

Grass said...

And did you say noise coming from upstairs? That got me worried a bit.. It got me thinking of the part in Bridget Jones's Diary where she found out that her boyfriend was having an affair with an Orsinian girl.. hmmmm

Leni Qinan said...

Good morning Mocky, my earliest friend in this time zone!

You brighten up my day every morning!

Late for work? I hope not! Too much beer at the bbq las night? Lol. Have a nice day, and come back soon. I’ll be waiting. ;)

Leni Qinan said...

Hi sis!

Oh yes, yes, YES! I desperately needed an overdose of Bob and I guess he needed and overdose of me too!

Yes, he loves me, now I know for sure. Though he’s not the kind to melt at the sound of beautiful words, so I’d better keep in my memory this lovely “I love you” ‘cos he won't be repeating this all the time. He prefers to show what he feels without words. That is one of his charms.

Love is powerful indeed, Grass –you know this very well-. It goes beyond words, dreams and reality; it may cross any border you can imagine and travel through space and time. I certify! :)

Leni (*winks at her sis*)

Leni Qinan said...

Yeah, noise from upstairs (I think we’re having an unexpected visitor in the attic, I hope its not the Orsinian girl, lol).

As far as I know the Orsinian girl is in his farm in New Calexico now. Some stuff wil be going on with her soon –wait and see!-

Although I find that Reneé Zelweeger overdid a little bit as Bridget, I loved the diary, laughed and cried at her 30something’s pains –I share some of them too!- and I definitely fell in love with that steady, supershy (mmmm), upfront and attractive Mark Darcy, whom I would have dated without hesitation!

BTW, you look so cute in your new pic!

XXX. Leni. :))

max said...

OMG… I guess it means I definitely have no chances with you, Leni. :(

Anyway, although I like you more than chocolate –btw, tell Bob I’ll be watching him closely, I hope he treats you right!!!- there’s plenty more fish in the sea, darling. :D

I was wondering if I could have a pic of the Orsinian chick. I’ll be doing you a huge favour when I seduce her with my great charm. :D

Big kiss.

s said...

That was pretty exciting! And finally you know for sure he loves you. I always had faith in you two lovebirds :)

That noise ... hrm it could be a zombie, but it is mostlikely a ghost hahah (it worries me a bit tho)

Yes i had some beers, and vodka too (im paying the price right now hahah).

Great blog entry here, and im very happy all worked out nicely!

Fernando said...

Me alegro de ver que las cosas (o más bien LA cosa) con Bob van bien.

Es bueno que te cuiden. Además te lo mereces.

Un beso, Leni.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Mocky!

I’m glad you enjoyed reading this post! And thanks! Yes, yes, yes, I had to pull the information from Bob with a corkscrew, but now I know he loves me! This is happiness, I suppose. ;)

You see what happens when you watch scary disgusting movies after a huge meal and a wonderful shag? You start hearing strange things upstairs… and find surprisingly unexpected visitors. I won’t unveil the mistery, but it's a nice... being: you’ll have to wait until next Thursday, a new post is on its way!-

I’m very glad to know you had a good time yesterday, a few beers and vodka –I love vodka+orange (otherwise known as a ‘screwdriver’, but I bet you know more than me about that, hahaha). I hope the hangover is not too bad. :(

Take it easy today, it’s only Monday but it will pass, hahaha.

Leni Qinan said...

Hola Fernan,

¡Mil gracias! Como ves no podría ir mejor, aunque ha hecho falta que me peguen una leche de campeonato para que el muchacho me diga lo mucho que me quiere y cuánto me echa de menos.

Veremos como va todo de ahora en adelante. La mezcla puede ser explosiva, fantástica, divertida, increíble, alucinante. Cualquier cosa puede ocurrir…


Leni Qinan said...

Hi Max,

Yeah dear, I always told you that my heart belongs to Bob, but you paid no attention to what I was saying!

But I’m glad to see it didn’t take you long to recover from our failed love affair, hahaha.

Speak to Hellgirl, she might still have a spare Scarlet for you –maybe even two, lol-.

Big kiss 4 u.

Leni Qinan said...


Fernan said:
I’m glad to see things (rather more THAT thing) with Bob are going fine.
I hope he takes care of you. You really deserve it.

Kiss, Leni.

Leni said:

Hi Fernan:
Thanks indeed! As you can see, it couldn’t possibly be better, though it was necessary to get a bad bump to make him tell me how much he loves me and misses me.
We’ll see how it goes from now on. It can be explosive, fantastic, funny, incredible, mindblowing. Anything can happen…


Crazy Ro said...

A mí también me alegra mucho que todo haya resultado bien, Leni=)

Me encantaron algunas frases...y sobre los cuestionamientos filosóficos o psicológicos..supongo que todos nos los hacemos alguna vez...

Hay una frase archiconocida que que dice 'beginnings are scary and endings are usually sad; but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living'...Así que nada...a disfrutar!!


Leni Qinan said...

Hola Ro! Gracias!

¡Lo que me costó que lo dijera!

Siempre me he preguntado si estas cosas son sólo producto de la química o es algo más.

Personalmente creo que el amor es un cóctel de sentimientos, afectos, hormonas, endorfinas y pasiones -no soy muy espiritual yo, pero tampoco creo que todo sea química o que la pasión no dure-.

Me encanta esa frase -que no conocía- sobre todo la parte que dice 'it's everything in between that makes it all worth living'

Desde luego, vale la pena!


Leni Qinan said...


Ro said:
I'm also very happy to know that everything went fine, Leni.

I really liked some sentences... and about the philosophycal and psicological considerations... I suppose we all wonder about it sometimes.

There is a very well known sentence that goes like this: 'beginnings are scary and endings are usually sad; but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living'... so enjoy!


Leni said:

Hi Ro! Thanks!
It took a long time until he said that!
I've always asked myself whether these things are only a result of chemistry or there is something more about it.

I personally think that love is a cocktail of feelings, affections, hormones, endorphins and passion -I'm not very spiritual myself, but I don't think everything is a result of chemistry or that passion doesn't last-.

I love the sentence -i hand't heard it btw-, more precisely the part that says 'it's everything in between that makes it all worth living'

Definitely, love makes life worth living!


Grass said...

I like screwdriver too! I don't get a hangover on vodka though.. hmmm..

As for Mark Darcy, I'd definitely go out with him if he's Colin Firth! LOL

Hei Max, when are you going to pay me a visit in hell? The Scarlett clone is already waiting for you :P

As for the noise upstairs, let's wait for Leni to finish the next part (paging my sis!! hurry up! LOL)

Love does make us ultra philosophical at times.. :-)

Cheer everyone!

xxx Grass

Leni Qinan said...

Wow sis, you're always there, eh? And I'm so glad to see you're there!

Maybe Mocky would like to know how you manage not to get a hangover on vodka -probably drinking less than two gallons at once, hahahah-. Poor thing, i'm afraid he had teh killing bbq last night. It's good when you go out on friday or saturday and you have a lazy sunday to recover, but sunday... omg I keep sundays to prepare mentally for monday, lol.

Sis, I couldnt agree more with you, Colin Firth is so gorgeous! so distinguished, so British!

I'm sure Max is eager to pay you a visit in hell. He is a bit desperate for his Scarlet looking chick, lol.

Wait to discover what was the noise upstairs... you will be completely amazed, lol.

Kisses+hugs -bedtime for me now- :))

tom909 said...

OK Leni, now you've got me interested, and btw, I don't mean with the soft porn, hehehe.
I know it's all a bit Shakespearian, but what is this powerful drug called 'love, that can wreck your whole life. People become seriously addicted to it, people devastate world's because of it. And dare I say it, is that feeling of love just a few hormones coursing through our veins?

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Tom!

Ooooh it's such a big honour for me to have you commenting again (I can't believe it! -I'm rubbing my eyes, hahaha- ). Excuse the joke, I'll stop being cheeky, it's just that I'm very happy to have you back here. Good to know you're interested in the story.

Soft porn! Bwahahaha (listen to my stentorian laughter!!!). Wait and see when I write REAL soft porn (see me chuckle!).

I like your Shakespearian tragic considerations, about love. But I'd like to add that it's only dangerous if unrequitted. Otherwise it's like a lovely dream. :) (That's a romantic view, of course, hahaha).

No, in all honesty, I don't think it's just hormones and chemicals. It leaves a trace in our brains -the major sexual organs, lol- but also in our souls -whose who have one, lol-.


Fonseca Lima said...

Querida Leni, transcrevo uma referencia a um memo que reendossei para você. Beijos
"Amigo Fonseca Lima

Tem um selo de reconhecimento para o Limiano41 lá no galpão da Oficina de Gerência.
É um mimo(presente)para o seu blog que admiro tanto.
Não sei se você conhece as "regras" dos memes (acredito que sim). Estes "selos" - comuns nos blogs brasileiros - são uma forma de divulgar blogs de qualidades entre os leitores e visitantes dos nossos próprios blogs. Uma forma carinhosa de abraços e cumprimentos virtuais.
Espero que goste.
Grande abraço

Sensibilizado agradeço este carinho virtual do Herbert ao distinguir-me nesta imensa e concorrida blogosféra com um mimo/memo que guardarei como uma medalha de ouro de valor incalculável".

E seguindo as regras indico a seguir três Blogs que tenho como os de maior projeção e valor:
Postado por Fonseca Lima às 19:47 0 comentários

Leni Qinan said...

Querido Manoel Carlos,

Me alegro mucho de que vuelvas a visitarme y sobre todo te agradezco infinito el mimo/memo que me envías y que guardo como un tesoro. Hace tiempo, Mª Isabel -cuyo blog desapareció misteriosamente (¡qué pena!) me dio un premio que me hizo mucha ilusión. Ese premio y tu amistad virtual son una gran satisfacción para mí.

Estoy feliz, muy feliz con mis visitantes y comentaristas, pero no se me olvida que tú fuiste el primero fuera de mis fronteras, en poner tu comentario aquí. Ya sabes que tienes mi lealtad, siempre.

Um gran beijo, dondequiera que estés. :)

Leni Qinan said...


Fonseca Lima said:

Dear Leni, I am transcribing a reference to a memo that i forwarded for you. Kisses from your friend, Fonseca Lima.

I have a sign of acknowledgement to Limiano41 from Oficina de Gerência. It's a present for your blog, that I admire so much. I don't know if you are aware of these rules, usual for the brazilian blogs -it's a way to make known the good quality blogs among the readers and visitors.
A loving way to give a hug and send virtual compliments.

I hope you like it. Bug hug.

I appreciate this virtual compliment from Herbert, who has honoured me in this busy blogsphere, with this present that I will keep as an invaluable treasure.

Following the rules, I will point out three blogs that I consider those of biggest projection and value:

Leni said:

Dear Manoel Carlos,
I am very happy with your visit, but above all I really appreciate this virtual "present" you're sending me, that I'll keep as a treasure.
Some time ago, MªIsabel -whose blog disappeared misteriously (pity!) gave me an award that I really liked. That award and your virtual friendship are quite something to me.

I'm happy, VERY happy with my visitors and commenters, but I never forget you were the first one to visit here from abroad and leave you comment here. You can count on my loyalty, always.

Big kiss, MC, wherever you are. ;)

Donn said...


It's easier to break 'love' down into basic psychological/genetic imperitives.

First of all the pheremones (hornymones) are manipulating our brain on a subliminal level..which affects our cognitive rationality and makes us uber loco...we become somebody else and everything else is pushed aside...sleeping, eating, and responsibilities get filed under whatEVER!

The fact that males have evolved to produce killer/blocker sperm in mass quantities to protect that one little guy who is gonna get to that egg, doesn't say much for the concept of everlasing love does it?

Speaking of seamen, once the periscope goes up and the target is sited, few things in this world are going to stop the torpedo from being launched..except for Admiral Al Cohol. He certainly does have a way of making the crew 'stand down'.

Great writing obviously have me nervously yapping away so I am going to shut up now.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Donn!

No need to shut up! You can yap away as much as you like here, I really enjoyed reading; your always clever and interesting comments are very appreciated!

Gulp? Hahaha. You’re getting to know me –btw, I’m the cheeky type, lol-. I rack my brains with every post to write this ‘soft porn’ thing in the softest way possible, tho I admire a lot those writers who do good hard porn –believe me, it’s an art too, but I’m not blessed with that heavenly gift-. Anyway, I try not to be too explicit -I prefer to encourage my readers to use their imagination in the most powerful way-. That’s a superstrong weapon, I think.

Your psychological/biological analysis of the ‘love thing’ has really gripped me. I get your point and find it very interesting. I agree with you, those funny hornymones (chemistry after all) have an important effects in our brains and biological/practical consequences (infatuation, passion, commitment, reproduction, etc). That little guy protected by his zillion friends in search for that egg is the culprit for some of these consequences, hahahah! Nothing to do with love tho, as you brilliantly point out. Admiral Cohol is unfortunately out of the base case (his periscope won’t work, I’m afraid, hahaha).

Everlasting love! I guess in the end we are able to develop some sort of lasting affection (yes, chemically induced by our endorphines/satisfactory sex/fatal biological attraction) for our significant ones –daily work for both sides to keep it alive, ain’t it?-. ;-)