SURREAL ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The path of least resistance

I sat on a stone bench at Grodski Park, near Hallerplatz. That was right in front of his place, opposite to the NBC building, where we first met. I naively expected him to just appear out of the blue and ask me to make peace.

I was wearing my pink shell charm. He gave it to Lilly to decorate her private beach and took it back when they broke up.

He gave it to me some months ago, when we broke into Demon’s House, just to snoop around; we smoked pot from the demon’s hookah; drank his magic tea; fell asleep inside his coffin; dreamed and then woke up; did the gipsy dance; kissed with fire; fucked like crazy.

I wished with all my strength there was a light on into his house; a window open; a shadow shape visible through the curtains; an evidence of life. But unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

It was the day of his birthday. I had a bottle of champagne in the fridge. Hope is the last thing you lose.

I phoned him, but he ignored my calls. I would have e-mailed him if he ever checked his inbox; but he didn’t. Or even knocked on his door, but my pride wouldn’t allow me.

Moons passed; weeks passed; and I sat pathetically on the same stone bench to be invariably stuck outside his house, just hoping to see him. I made the same stupid moves over and over; day after day; from 09:00 to 11:00PM; until I got sick and tired of my sore butt and drenched with tears, I concluded I’d be better off on my own.

- Long time no see… -said someone behind me-
- Eeh?

It was the ineffable Ed Davies, who was about to share my stone bench.

- Small world, eh?
- Sandwich is small, Ed. Not the world.


I didn’t feel like talking, so I simply took the path of least resistance.

- Something that truly amazes me about you is your sense of loyalty. It’s a badge of integrity. -he said-
- You think?
- Indeed. Any girl would have flipped him off weeks ago. But you haven’t. You’re always like that?
- Yes.
- So you’re faithful.
- Faithful and loyal are not the same thing.
- But you’re faithful.
- Is this an interrogation?
- Of course, not. You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to.
- Good. Because I don’t want to.


And then, there was an embarrassing silence.

- And how long are you gonna be still pathetically sitting here waiting for him?
- Sorry for being rude, but that’s none of your business.
- Put me in the picture.
- I don’t know!!!

- Leni. Don’t fight anymore. It’s pointless. It’s all ashes and tears now. You’re like a rumble fish. They‘re crazy. You’re crazy; too courageous for my taste. You would attack at your own reflection in a mirror.
- Please, let it go, ok?.

I looked into the distance, but he thought I was looking at Bob’s place and said:

- He’s not at home. Hasn’t been lately.

I stared at him and asked:

- How do you know?
- I just know.
- What a lousy answer. And where is he? If I may ask.
- Yes, you may. He took a trip to Zeewland.


That really brought tears to my eyes.

- No worries. He will be back soon. He just went home to visit his mom and dad. Like a good boy -he chuckled-

I wiped out my tears.

- You’re crying a river today, Leni. Can I ask what does he do for a living? -he said-
- He’s an architect.
- Oh.
Bob, the builder. –he laughed his ass off-.
- Man, you have laughabiliosis or something?
- No, it's just that you’re giving me laughasms all the time.


The teasing psychowanker spoke.

-Hm. Am I supposed to laugh? Listen, I have questions as well. What the fuck you do for a living? Why do you have a debt with hell? And why are you running around me all the time?


He sighed and said:

- Ok. First question: I am an editor and a writer. Second question: I’m a succesful writer. That’s what I’m paying for. Third question: Because you’re hot and I like you and all these things you must have heard a zillion times...
- Okokok.


That really knocked me out. And then, there was another embarrassing silence.

- Tell me about your books. –I said to break the ice-
- I’ve published five.
- All of them best sellers, I suppose.
- That’s right. Hence, the prison in hell.
- You mean you’re not good enough to write a good book yourself?
- No. I am very good. It's just that I wanted to succeed right on the spot.
- And what are your books about?
- Sci-fi. Would you like to hear the first passage of some of them?
- That would be lovely.

He cleared his throat and went:

“Once upon a time, and a very good time it was, there was a moocow that came down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo …”

- How do you like it? -he asked-
- Erm… Are you sure you wrote that, Ed? -I said a bit shocked-
- Absolutely!
- But… everybody knows that’s the beginning of
James Joyce’s “A portrait of the artist as a young man”!
- Nah. I’m afraid you got it wrong. Now let me give you the second passage:


He solemnly started his recitation:

“Somewhere in La Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember…”

- Holy shit! That’s Cervantes "The Ingenious Hidalgo Don Quixote of La Mancha”! Man, you didn’t know that? –I shouted alarmed-

But he wouldn’t answer.

- And here’s my favourite one: “Goddess, sing the rage of Peleus’ son Achilles… “
- OK! you can say what you want, but Homer wrote that. Not you.
-
Homer Simpson? No way, it was me! Come on, Homer Simpson can't write!

Weren’t there any normal people in South Sandwich? There was another embarrassing silence.

- I’m very sorry to hear you think I plagiarized these books. That’s probably a little misunderstanding that may be easily solved.


I was amazed at his inability to fight. He was a softy type guy and wouldn’t even raise his voice. I would have smacked anyone who dared call me plagiarizer on the back of their head .

- I think we should discuss this issue some other day, Ed, but I'd like to change the subject now or I’ll have a fainting fit. If you don't mind.
- Ok. So what do you do for a living?
- Unfortunately I can’t quit my day job, but the truth is I am a hot and successful afro-american male singer who is giving a concert tomorrow in the evening here.
- Oh,
Kravitz. –he chuckled-

I smiled and nodded.

- The joke's not mine, but i like it. Some people call me Ms Kravitz.
- Ok. Do as you wish, baby. Mystery is half the beauty. Anyway, it was nice to see you smile. Can I call you some day?
- Oh … hm… yes, see you soon! Sorry I really must be going now –I said, nervously-

I waved goodbye and said, in a typical Scarlett O'Hara fashion:

"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow!".

And yes, the day after I indulged myself booking a trip to the Seashells Islands...

did some retail shopping...


slept like a baby....


topfreed on the beach...



And, of course, I went to the hottest afro-american male singer's concert:



"Are you gonna go my way?" (Lenny Kravitz)

11 comments:

max said...

Dear Kravitz:

I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that Joyce, Cervantes, Homer the Greek and Homer Simpson sued Ed Davies. He’s got such a nerve!

The most strange things may happen in the South Sandwich Islands. What a weird and lawless country! Make sure you have the copyrights of everything you write, Leni.

I am also amazed at your loyalty. To me, it has a lot more to do with honesty and integrity, rather than with fidelity. It’s a very positive character trait, Leni. But you bf/exbf -or wtf he is- won’t appreciate these things. If I were you, I’d give him the finger asap. The twat.

Cool vid! The song is great.

Have fun at the Seashells Islands and pls keep us posted.

Leni Qinan said...

Max,

Hm. I‘ve never been told about my supposed loyalty before. To be honest, I wasn’t really aware of that until Ed Davies mentioned it. I must have had that too with Big Cheese -8 years together and holding-.

I don’t understand Ed Davies and the weird things he does. Plagiarising other people’s work is horrible. Plagiarising the classics would be just nerd if he hadn’t a deal with hell. I expect to know more about it in the near future.

About my supposed bf: for the moment, I’ll take some days off at the Seashells, so no news is good news. I promise to keep you posted.:))

SpanishGoth said...

Yikes - so Max suggests the finger for the twat? Me thinks he plagiurised that from YouPorn.com

Glad you enjoyed the gig though

Leni Qinan said...

Hey Goth!

I assume you would suggest some itching powder too. Man, you’re evil.

max said...

Goth,
The twat will just love the finger.
YouPorn.com? Is that your website?

Leni, I insist: give him the finger, baby. Some itching powder on it would be terrific.

zoe said...

.....or mustard/raw chillies.

You appear to have a heart of gold - and even Debbie Harry would approve of that.

Leni Qinan said...

Ok, Zoe. I think I could make a lethal missile with your recipe!

You're most kind to me: Neil Young wouldn't approve of my heart of gold, but Blondie would of my heart of glass. :))

Grass said...

I have always been a loyal and faithful girlfriend so I can understand your pain perfectly, sis.. I just hope guys would be sensitive enough to try to empathize with us they way we try to do so with them.. hmmmm..

Yikes, plagiarism.. I hope that doesn't happen to you.. with the good job you're doing here, someone is bound to earn money out of your literary works. tsk tsk

xxx

Leni Qinan said...

Hey sis! Nice to see you're back! I hope you had a nice field week.

I haven't always been a loyal and faithful girlfriend, but as Zoe would say... my boyfriend was a twat and I decided that he deserved to be a cuckold. Obviously that didn't last for too long, cos we broke up soon after.

Anyways, this is not the case. And I appreciate your support here, cos it hurts like hell. Never better said, lol.

Plagiarism is one of the things I hate most. I can't stand the idea of someone taking advantage of my work. I could kill him/her.

If you have a quick look at the left and scroll down your mouse, you'll see everything here is copyrighted; there are digital ways to protect your intellectual property as well, but that's more complicated.

Take care, sis. XXX.

s said...

You broke into a house of a demon? Smoked pot from his hookah?
You say it oh so casually, like its normal to break in a demons house. You are badass :D

I admire your heart Len, never let anyone fuck with it. It would have been so much easier if Bob just informed you about his little trip to his parents.

Ok, I'll be honest, I didnt know the passages where plagiarsm. I did read James Joyces Ulysses tho ^^

Three day too late, i know, but i am still a great fan! How could i not?

Leni Qinan said...

Hm. excuse me S, but do I know you? (LOL)

Mocky??? Mocky!!! Man, long time no see!

-*sigh* I missed you here-.

Yes, I broke into the demon's house, smoked pot from his hookah and the rest -LOL-. Actually, the house was locked but I managed to break into.

Bob is a bit of a twat sometimes; he thinks I'll always be there for him, but most of the times he's not there for me. Andi t hurts like hell.

You have read James Joyce's 'Ulysses'??? WOW! That's quite something! I bet you've also read Tim Robbins, William Burroughs and Bukowski. I bet we'll talk about it soon (if you don't go walkabot again!)

Seeya son, I hope!

Len.