Sunday, September 21, 2008

A letter from my lover

The office boy knocked on my door at 8:30AM and quietly left the press summary on the table. ‘Thanks’ –I whispered, smiling-.
As soon as he left, the door locked itself making a terrible noise and a red firework show exploded like a jet on the meeting table in front of me. Ka-boom! The shape of my beloved Hellgirl appeared on–the-scene.

- You really love these theatrical gestures, don’t you? –I asked-
- Oh yes, indeed. –she answered, smirking-
- Don’t block Big Cheese’s phone calls, please, or he’ll freak out.
- No worries, Leni. Everything is under control. I gave everybody a momentary nodding off. When I snap my fingers they will return to normal and forget all this.

She took a chair to sit and put her feet on my table.

- So you gave Bob the finger after all… -said Hellgirl-
- Will you ever stop spying on me? –I asked-
- No, Leni. You need someone to take care of you. You’re very silly sometimes. Especially with guys. I told you to never give your heart -least of all your soul- to a human male, unless you're on equal basis; but you’re paying no fucking attention to what I tell you.
- Thanks, I love you too.
- Now what are you going to do about Bob and Ed? Look at yourself! Pains are playing yo-yo with you. Don’t come to me next time with your heart torn into pieces… are you listening, Leni?

No, I wasn’t listening. I was leafing through the press summary and sipping coffee when I came across a copy of Ed’s picture published in a tabloid. It was included in the chronicle of the Orsinian Embassy Annual Candlelight Ball. He and Misty McGwire, his platonic lover, were dancing together. It made me blow coffee out of my nose. My eyes widened like saucers as my jaw dropped open. I gasped and showed the picture to Hellgirl.

- What did I tell you? Don’t you just feel like a ping-pong ball to your lovers? You just dumped Bob because you thought you loved Ed. Now that Ed disappoints you, you wanna go back to Bob. You just don’t know what you want. –she said-
- Oooooh Misty McGwire again! –I said, ignoring what she just said-
- Oh boy, yes, he’s dancing with the platonic bitch. So what? Do you know what the meaning of the word platonic is? Read my lips: No sex at all. The funny thing is that you’re shagging Bob and Ed and yet you’re jealous! There’s a name for that stupid, selfish, resented, ridiculous, bitter, pathological feeling of yours… and it’s jealousy! –she said, pointing at my face- It has to be cooked out of you. The sooner, the better.
- I’m gonna call him. –I said, very determined-
- Don’t be silly, Leni. What are you going to tell him? ‘I saw you dancing with your platonic girlfriend’? That sounds so pathetic.

Too late. Ed was already answering my phone call.

- Hi sweety. How are you? –he asked-
- Why in the world did you take Misty to the Candlelight Ball instead of me? -I asked back-

I heard him laugh. In the background, Hellgirl whispered ‘How silly can you get?’

- Erhm… Good morning... yes... I'm fine, thanks... and you? Now can you repeat your question, please? -he said-
- Why in the world did you take Misty to the Candlelight Ball instead of me???
-I asked again-

Hellgirl covered her face with her hands, begging ‘Leni, please shut up. You're making a fool of yourself.’

- Leni, it was like I would meet my sister, only with a bit of electricity. –said Ed-.
- Oh firstly she’s not your sister, and secondly you two look rather electrocuted in the tabloids! –I said-
- Aww… don’t tell me you’re jealous, baby… –he laughed-. This means you love me a little.
- Grrrr…

- Baby, you’re so funny –he said, laughing even more- What do you think Misty and I did there? Oh, yes, let me tell you: we danced in the moonlight, I asked her to marry me and then we shagged passionately until the break of dawn. Come on, Leni. Does this sound true to you?
- …

- I’ll consider your silence as a negative answer. And now listen to me, silly. I’m a public person. Reporters make my life very complicated and I try to remain as unnoticed as possible. Yet, due to my position, I have to attend public events quite often. When I was invited to the Candlelight Ball, I didn’t even know you.
- …

- I assume you’re blushing like a beetroot and listening to me now. Let me just tell you this, baby: I’m not in the habit of explaining what I do or do not do. I would have loved to go there with you. But you should know something: as soon as you start joining me publicly, you will be stalked by a mob of reporters who will make you life very uncomfortable.

Oh dear, that was new for me. Hellgirl shook her head in disapproval.

- Now give it a thought, baby. Call me back when you make up your mind about your feelings. Oh, and in the meantime, take that little book I gave you for your birthday. Read page 23, feel what I wrote and stop being silly, love. I'm a big boy and I didn’t do anything my mom shouldn’t know at the Candlelight Ball.

He put the telephone down. I was very embarrassed. Hellgirl clapped her hands.

- That was the most pathetic performance I’ve ever witnessed, Leni. Being jealous gratuitously is the height of selfishness. You sounded like a real arsehole. Nevertheless, Ed has been a gentleman this time. I am amazed. In other circumstances he would have just told you to piss off. –she said-
- He is always very gentle with me. –I whispered-
- I suppose it means something. By the way, aren’t you going to have a look at page 23 in that book?

I immediately opened it. Page 23 started like this:

"First letter to my lover

I like your taste when we make love. I could recognize you with my eyes closed just by your flavour in my mouth.

I got used to your delicious fragrance too. I could distinguish you from others just by smelling your scent on my skin.

I could lose my fears just by looking at you quietly until the break of dawn, as you keep dancing in the middle of my dreams, equidistant from your wild visions and hopes.

Never forget this:

The more I get to know your body, the more I want you;
The more I get to know your soul, the more I need you.

August, 2008"

I sighed and closed the book. Hellgirl was impressed too.

- Is “Letters to my lover” the book you’re supposed to publish with your name on account of my debt? Ed wrote it. Not me. –I asked, showing her the book-
- I know. I said to Ed I would publish the book with my name, but I can’t do that. –she said, serious-. These words are for you, Leni. I can’t steal them. I’m evil, but I have my principles.
- What about our deal, then?

Hellgirl smiled softly and stared into my eyes.

- There’s no such deal, Leni. I never took you seriously. I’m sorry you had a rotten time, but this is to show you that you can’t bite off more than you can chew. Deals with the devil should be kept only for serious matters, instead of silly stuff like getting your boyfriend back. You should have been able to sort that out on your own. I hope you have learned the lesson and won’t repeat the mistake.

As she usually did, she snapped her fingers and vanished, without even saying goodbye. The door to my office unlocked itself on the spot. I could hear Big Cheese speaking on the phone in the office next to mine. Life moved on.

Yes, I had learned the lesson. Maturing was painful. Learning from our mistakes and not making them again is almost an art. I’m not sure yet I can do this.

Life is an exhausting endless search for happiness: a rare and ephemeral gift interspersed with bleak moments.

I opened the book on page 23 again. I needed to grab that little piece of joy.

“Miles away” (Madonna) - For anybody who's afraid to fall in love


max said...


I second Hellgirl 100%. Your mind needs to be clear and focussed about your love life. Jealousy is not a good feeling, Leni. You should get rid of it. It means you feel insecure about it.

After Ed's letter, you should realise he has very deep feelings for you. I know I have stood up for Bob before, but your heart will tell you which direction you have to follow.

In the meantime... grab as many moments of happiness as you can.

Take it easy and have a nice day.


s said...

im still in the progress of catching up, but couldnt resist rerading the new chapter.

wow, just like that eh. Youve been fooled for all that time. I feel sorry for you. im speechless ... damn devils creature, never trust them lol

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Max,

Thanks for reminding me how silly I am sometimes. I'm trying hard to fix that, but it's not easy, lol.

Hellgirl has even been good this time! I know jealousy is horrible. I won’t throw one of those fits again and

I hope my heart guides me in the good direction. Just trying to catch some happiness!


Leni Qinan said...

Hi Mocky!

Ok dude, I hope you get soon updated. I’m glad to see you’re back.

Yeah, now Hellgirl tells me I owe her nothing! Never mind, it’s much better –I won’t have to give her my copyrights and my nightmares will disappear, LOL-.

I hope you can catch up soon: Bob hasn’t said the last word yet. ;)


Nahuatl said...

Hmmm... I just know one thing - extremists die younger! =DD

Ok.. let me explain little bit. What I mean from above is that nothing in extreme lasts longer. All the wise people who have been able to leave their genes in world and enjoy their life too, have lived moderately. [(c) Nayan =DD ]

Now I don't say that I am very moderate sort of guy, but I do strongly believe that every emotion and every action is important. Everything makes you wiser - to do or not to do. So, jealousy is good too.

But the secret to peace and happiness lies in moderation. Find the balance between emotions, practices etc... and you get along with everyone.

You can go ahead for fiery passion which makes life worthwhile living and dies early too.. or you can live with moderation.. sipping the joy of life for eternity :)

Prof. Plotznheimer said...

Is this being submitted as a Movie Script?

I agree with Nuhuatl burning both ends will always end in disaster.

"The more I get to know your body, the more I want you;
The more I get to know your soul, the more I need you."
I won't ever forget it.

Leni Qinan said...

Good point, Nayan.

But you know what? I was born like this and can’t help having these intense feelings and emotions.

Moderation? Hm… not my thing, really. This is more for grannies, lol. (joking).
No, seriously, as you brilliantly point out, live to learn –that’s a wonderful attitude, some people just live like zombies, but neither you nor me do-. But to be honest, I find it hard to reach that balance sometimes.

I’m sorry to disagree with you about jealousy. I think it’s a passion derived from anxious insecurity and it can make things very difficult in a relationship –look at my story-; as you said too, balance is the best option.

Thanks for your wise view, and enjoy your hedonistic lifestyle! (that is actually wise, lol).

Take care. ;)

Leni Qinan said...

Dear Professor:

Unfortunately not yet, but I am preparing some copies of this saga to be delivered to Woody Allen and Tim Burton (I thought of Quentin Tarantino too, but maybe this story is too soft for him). What do you recommend?

"The more I get to know your body, the more I want you;
The more I get to know your soul, the more I need you."

These words never fail. I’m still melting. ;))

Nahuatl said...

I respect your point of view, Leni.
I just have to read it few times to understand concepts of jealousy :D

BTW, I loved the music =)


you chose some great pics for this powerful post... excellent.

Leni Qinan said...

Thank you, Nayan. You're always most kind to me, and I really appreciate.

I do respect your point of view too.

About the music: Madonna is like the red wine: improving over the years...
And the lyrics of this song shocked me. I saw some of my circumstances there. I almost got scared. ;)

Big hug.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Voices!

Thanks, I found them googling and googling, hahah. My favorite images for posts are the gothic ones. They're dark and a bit bloody, but very beautiful.

Next time I'll be posting some pics I took myself.

Please, come back in 1-2 days and tell me how do you like them, ok?

Take care! :))

Lord Tennisanyone said...

I forgot to mention that I always appreciate the photos that you choose..they always seem to enhance rather than distract...not many people have figured out how to do that..
I certainly haven't.

Leni Qinan said...

Hello (again) Lord! ;))

Aww.. thanks! Text-pics-music (in that order) are the steps I take before posting.

Photos and music are related as much as possible to the text, but they are accesory to the story -eew, this was not meant to rhyme-.

As I said to Voices, my favourite are gothic images -very dark, a bit bloody and melancholic, but beautiful- not meaning that I might be a gothic at all. lol.

I am amazed at your mutant appearance... wow!

Grass said...

i agree with everyone here Leni.. This is one of those posts where one will learn something.. it takes me a while to learn from my mistakes too.. and I often learn through meditations by the end of the day.

hmmm, that letter of Ed's is really cute and sweet. Ed is not only a publisher, but a romantic poet as well.. :)

Mocky is right not to trust Devil creatures. But Hellgirl was a good one who taught you a lesson.. If all Devils are like her, life is going to be so much better and people, way wiser.. :)