Thursday, September 18, 2008

The untamable Bob Gausman

How can love possibly turn to anger and hate so quickly? The morning after my birthday I knew why getting hurt by someone I loved and trusted would lead me to a horrible feeling of betrayal towards that person: I went from love to hate in just a few seconds when I found in my inbox a strange e-mail from Bob that triggered my anger -even more, if this was possible- after his two-month quiet absence:


I hadn’t heard from him for such a long time and the next thing I knew were those incomprehensible acronyms. My answer was just:


His laconic reply was simply the transcription of his message.

“Leni Qinan are you ok x Bob Gausman.
PS. You are very quiet at the moment.”

Me, very quiet? What a nerve!

“Thanks for translating, Bob. I'm not as good as you at English acronyms.
Yes, I've been quiet lately. If my memory serves me well, my last e-mail is dated 23rd of July. You neither answered nor phoned. So you’re not supposed to hear from me until November.”

Just a minute later, I got another e-mail from him. It was apparent that he was getting pretty nervous.

“I know Leni, I have been quiet too! Hope you are doing well, and having fun, baby. Big hug from the Bobster”

That was the most moronic piece of garbage I had ever seen. I got mad. I couldn’t believe he had such a hard nose. And who the hell was “the Bobster”? His alter ego?

“BTW, yesterday it was my birthday, Bobster. Thanks for not whishing me a nice day. You suck.”

After that… I got no answer.

He had completely forgotten my birthday and I was so upset. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but in all honesty, I expected a little more from him. He had asked me several times when my birthday was when something came up in a conversation about it. But I didn't want to keep reminding him anymore, because I felt he would be remembering the day.

I knew that Lilly -his ex girlfriend, now Mrs Max Brantsch- got balloons, flowers and really nice gifts from him on her birthdays. He himself had told me.

So Bob was capable of doing nice things, but he just didn't do anything for me. He remembered other dates, then it was not that complicated. And if I was not important enough after several months dating… then I was wasting my time.

Was I making more out of this than I should?

My cellphone went.

- Happy birthday, Len. –he said-
- Thanks. –I answered shortly-.
- Ok I forgot, but don’t make a fuss, baby. Let me take you out to lunch today.
- Not if it’s again roast chicken and chips. They make me throw up.
- If somebody heard you, they would think I’m such a tightwad, but I’m not. Actually, I was gonna take you to a very posh and classy place. And I’m going to buy you a nice present as well.
- Oh, let’s hear about it.
- Meet me at “Le bistrot Parisien” at midday.
- Oh la la… la finesse! Just for my information… will I have to pay for the lunch?
- Don’t be the smartass, Len. I’m inviting you.
- Ok, I’ll be there.

I arrived to “Le bistrot Parisien” at the agreed time. Bob was there, waiting for me. He approached to kiss me and I turned my face to avoid his lips on mine, not even realising what I was doing. So he finally gave me an innocent kiss on the cheek.

- Heeey… give me one of your cute kisses, baby. I’m not your brother! –he protested-

I did, for my own good.

- Happy birthday, Len. Now you are… twenty two? How old is that? Soon you will be really old like me! –he said, holding me-.

He handed me a small box wrapped in golden paper. He rubbed my hand with his index finger on the table. I felt strange. These love displays were late. I withdraw my hand and said:

- Bob, I have to tell you something.
- Oh my God. Things are not looking good.
- That’s right, Bob. Things are not looking good. Where have you been hiding these two months?
- I haven’t been hiding. I’ve been traveling. On holidays.
- Why didn’t you tell me? I mean… You don’t have to tell me everything, of course, but I thought we were more than just friends. How could you be so careless?
- Careless?
–he asked, very surprised-
- Bob. I always thought we would spend our summer holidays together, but maybe this was asking too much. I've been missing you; I've been sad; couldn't stand it; went mad; felt hurt. Felt real bad. Don't blame me for that. You've been out for a very long time.

He listened carefully.

- Just a few words to let me know you were there would have made me feel better, but I never heard from you. That hurt big time. I thought you had lost interest. I thought horrible things. –I said-

His face became serious, like he was shocked by my words.

- I didn't want to get bitter or angry, so I pulled myself together and learned how to live without you. You know me, Bob. You shouldn’t take things for granted: I give everything but I need to feel corresponded. This is how love works: hard effort on both sides.

He stood quietly listening to me.

- You have nothing to say? –I asked-
- When I have nothing to say… I say nothing. –he answered-

His apathy was killing me.

- What have you done in summer… apart from hating me. –he asked, serious-
- I never hated you, Bob. It was excruciating to wait for you helplessly. So I decided to stop it and took a trip to the Seashell Islands.
- That sounds good.
- No. That doesn’t sound good, Bob. I’ve been with Ed Davies there.
- I see. Did you enjoy yourselves?
–he asked ironically-
- Oh, don’t be sarcastic. You always said to me you didn’t want to have a relationship. You have left several times for weeks without saying when you would be back. You’ve been away for almost two months! What am I supposed to say or do?
- Ed Davies, eh?
- Yes.
- The fucker.
- No, Bob. You’re a dog in the manger and love does not work like this. Uneven love means emotional slavery. The sooner your realise it, the better for you.
- So we’re over.
- Have we even started yet, huh?
- You’re so unfair, Len.
- You asked for it.

He got up, very upset.

- You’ll hear from me again, Len. I’m not giving up just like this. –he said, pointing at me-

Then, he left in bitterness.

"Leather" (Tori Amos)


tom909 said...

Hi Leni, that story so reminds me of exactly something that happened to me. And yes, I was the 'meany' just like Bob. So in some ways my sympathies are with him.
God alone knows how or what is right in the world of human relationships - and anyway, can we do anything about it?
Oh my God, the questions just keep on coming!

Leni Qinan said...

OOOoh really, Tom?
This happened to you too?
And you were the 'meany' one?
You played Tomster?

Hm... that's very interesting. Can you really excuse Bob's unforgivable carelessness? Well, I'm not surprised, if you also belong to the league of extraordinary meanies, lol.

Well, Tom, you're right: who are we to judge what is right or wrong in the world of human relationships? Yet, I think there's a lot we can do to keep love alive. Love is like a small plant that will grow only if the people involved take constant care of it. And a treasure to maintain. This is how i see it.

It's hard work to share by both sides, not only one. It can be tiresome to be the only one who works to improve a relationship. This is basically the moral of my story.

Oh.. more questions? Keep them coming! ;))



things are better left said i believe, its the unsaid things that tear us apart...

Leni Qinan said...

Welcome, Voices!

You're very right: what's left unsaid is even worse than what is said. It hurts quietly. No one notices until the damage is done. :)

Grass said...

To Mr. Tom, you might want to read my recent blog to know what a woman wants!

hi sis, despite the introductory speech there *guffaws* I did not mean to rob you of your reader to my site.. It's just that, I'm bothered by how slow guys can be when it comes to RELATIONSHIPS! Bob is no exception! But before you guys here get upset, I am also aware that there are some exceptional guys who knows how to treat a woman right!

The moment I saw Bob's first cryptic message, I had this funny thoughts of suggesting you to decode it using Fibonacci Sequence, ya know, the whole Da Vinci Code thing.. LOL But well, you already explained what it meant in the next paragraph. Well.

I hate apathetic guys. I can empathize with you, sis. Cheer up! :-)


Leni Qinan said...

Hi sis!

Lol I know Tom will be very pleased to visit your blog and get a free lesson about how not to be a meany (lol).

YES! You got me! Not only that some of them are unbelievably slow, but also they won't move their arse to keep the flame burning!

Bob is a smartypants -the acronym was not that hard to decypher, at least partially- but too bad it was the first thing I heard from him after all this time.

If they just knew how easy it is to make a woman happy.

Thanks for your support, sis!
Gonna visit your place now (Im curious about this last post of yours).

Leni Qinan said...

Tom: You heard her. hahahaha

hanny said...

lol, Bobster!! that really gave me a hard laugh. BTW, I've 'encrypted' his message before I saw the 'translation' hehe.

Your conversation with Bob should give him a chance to realize if he would be willing to have a relationship with you (and not just show up at his convenience). It is true that for love to work, it has to shared by two people - give and take. He needs to do more than just a lousy chicken and chips dinner dates, lol.

Is Lilly, the ex-gf of Bob, really married to Max, your ex-bf? for real?? :)) Seems like a small world for them!

Keep fighting for what you deserve, go girl! :))I'm glad I've found my man and has been happily married for over 6 yrs now.

All humans are capable to love, some are just too coward to do it.


someone this week said... "i know what i dont want, i just havent figured out what i do want yet." been thinking about it all week...

tom909 said...

OK, I done my duty and went over to Grass's and admitted I can't live up to her high standards.
Maybe I make a good friend but not much of a lover.

Anonymous said...

Hombres Leny....Eso de 'estoy.desaparecì' se ve todos los dìas, y en todos los rincones del mundo.....
En mi caso solìa torturarme si me hacìan algo asì, y en mi cabeza trataba de descifrar la causa de esa maldita costumbre....
Hoy en cambio ya me di cuenta que es una caracterìstica muy de hoy en dìa (y no solo de los hombres)....asì que he decidido cortar por lo sano...
Cuando pasa....'Tu ruta, flaco', y a otra cosa mariposa.....a dar vuelta la pàgina.....
Total..en la vida por algo se dan las cosas....y si algo tiene que ser....en algùn momento serà...y revoir...=)



max said...

Hey Leni,
This is getting a bit controversial, eh? Allow me to stand up for Bob and Tom.
Tom: I’m afraid you and I are the only guys here, dude (don’t know about Voices, but it would be good to have some more alpha males around, and Mocky seems to have been abducted by the aliens again, so it’s just you and I, lol)-.
Leni, you’re right: Bob was careless and he should have told you he was going on holidays, but you’re a very demanding chick. You’re not 100% right. Men are not perfect creatures –of course, less perfect than women- and there are many ways to express our love. Not only the regular ones.
I think you’re being a bit unfair with Bob. He’s not a conventional guy, you know that. So don’t expect conventional love displays from him. Yet I think he still loves you loads, so be careful or you could regret it.
One needs a crystal ball to find out what you want exactly, and this is something exhausting sometimes for a guy. Voices is right: you know what you don’t want, but you still haven’t found out what you really want, girl.
But I like you just the same, lol. ;)

Fernando said...

Me ha encantado, como casi siempre.

Lo de los 22 años??? Quien te dió la idea?

Un beso, buen finde, me voy a navegar.

max said...

Hanny, in reply to your comment:

I’m very glad to know you’re happily married. Life is not a bed of roses and it’s nice when a relationship –like yours- works out fine. It means you take good care of it.

About Leni-me: Leni and I dated in rl years ago. We're good friends now.

About Bob-Lilly-me: if you read back in Leni’s archive, you’ll find out that Bob and Lilly were dating; I married Lilly (I have been bewitched by Hellgirl to marry her and clear Leni’s way to seduce Bob. This was the deal between Leni and Hellgirl. As soon as I married Lilly, Leni became indebted with Hellgirl for a book that was eventually written by Ed Davies, the editor who fell in love with her). What a mess, lol.

Obviously, this is the plot of the surrealist story, but there are some reality bits between some of the characters, readers and commenters that need to be unveiled. We’re all pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that doesn’t stop growing and only Leni knows the whole picture.

About Bob: please, don’t pick on him that much, girls. Ok, he’s not doing it right but maybe he needs a second chance. What would you do if you were in Leni’s shoes? This man has also a little heart. ;)

Tom: you should hire me as your lawyer, bloke.

PS.- Sorry I forgot some other guys visiting/commenting. Reading back I can see Fernando, Nayan, Goth, Donn, etc. Ghost.. is a particle?.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Hanny!

I agree with you, love is a give and take and a fair balance has to be reached in a relationship.

You’re a clever girl, Hanny, I could only encrypt a part of the message –hence, my request for a translation-.

We’ll see what Bob means with this ‘I’m not giving up just like that’ and what his reaction is. In the meantime, I’ll follow your advice and keep fighting. ;)

I’m glad that your love life is happy. One hears too often about people breaking up and it's very sad.

It seems that Max answered most of your questions for me; anyway feel free to ask, ok?


Grass said...

Max, in reply to your comment about Bob:

It's normal for girls to stand up for their girlfriend. You may be right about Leni not being 100% right but the way Bob treated her is simply unfair! Bob may not be the "conventional" guy, but by convention, a man should at least tell his girlfriend/wife/mother, where he's going, why he would be away for months, etc. Just like guys, we girls need assurance once in a while. And it's not as if we, girls, will stop you guys from going anywhere. Nah, most of us are not like that at all. We even encourage you to hang out with your friends that way you don't get tired of hanging around us. And like guys, we girls also like to go out with other people.

It's not fair for you to say that Leni doesn't know what she wants. Or that it would take a crystal ball to know what she wants. I think her blog posts had told us what she really wants, men must simply learn how to read between the lines. In fairness, you know her better. After all, you've been friends for a long time. :-)

As for the jigsaw puzzle, I liked the way Leni has pieced together the intricate patterns about the characters' lives. That makes her a good writer. All we can do is appreciate. :-)

Peace, Max! Like guys, girls are not perfect too. Let's learn to live with that.

Ghost Particle said...

leni! will b back to reading...not ghosting much right now...bit busy. have a great great weekend! hugs.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Voices,

Good point. Brilliant, I should say. And have you ever wondered why we act so silly when we try to figure out what do we want? It's hard sometimes, isn't it?

I hope you find it soon. I'm doing my best. ;))

Leni Qinan said...

Tom: Don't be so modest, please. I know you. (*laughs loud*)

Grass's standards are unreachable. They're just an ideal target for women to show you guys in which direction you should struggle hard.
And yes, intention counts as well.


Leni Qinan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leni Qinan said...

Qué tal Pía,

Muy buena filosofía, sí señor. Ojalá yo pudiera hacer lo mismo sin que se me rompieran las entrañas. Qué malo es eso de ser tan sentimental.

Pero tienes razón, "tú ruta, flaco" (me encanta la frase, la tomo prestada para el próximo desengaño, jajaja).

Besos (de una romántica impenitente).

Leni Qinan said...


Anonymous said...
Men, Leni... this thing "I'm missing" is frequent these days all over...

I used to suffer big time if anyone did that to me, and tried to decode the reason for that bloody habit...

But nowadays I realised it's something very usual (not only for men) so I decided to put an end to it. When it happens it's "go your own way, baby" and moving right along...

Anyway... such things happen for a reason. And if something is happening... it will happen.. and if not... au revoir...=)



Leni said:

Hey Pía, how is it going?
That’s a very good philosophy, indeed. I wish I could do the same without breaking down. It’s not so good to me so emotional.
You’re right, “go your own way, baby” (I love the sentence, I may borrow it for my next unhappy love affair, hahah).

Kisses (from a hopeless romantic fool).

Leni Qinan said...

Hey Max.

I can understand why you're standing up for Bob and Tom. All the women in this blog are slaughtering them and you need a littel balance there to compensate, lol.

But I disagree: I'm not that demanding. When you commit, it has to be a give and take. His mind is not ready for that yet.

I know he’s not a conventional guy, but to be honest, I expected something more.

Not sure if he deserves a second chance, but I promise to give it a thought.

And let me tell you this: i know what I don’t want. I don't want a careless lover. I want a man who loves me truly, with the same depth and intensity with which I love him. Nothing more, nothing less.


Leni Qinan said...

Hola Fernan!

Me alegro de que te haya gustado la historia. No pretendía que el tema fuera tan controvertido, pero me gusta hacer pensar y participar a mis lectores.

Lo de los 22 años... qué idea? Cómo lo adivinaste? Jajajaja. No te voy a decir mi edad ni por todo el oro del mundo. Mira mi foto y adivina.

Que tengas un buen día de navegación!

Besos y buen finde.

Leni Qinan said...


Fernando said...
I loved it, like almost always.
what about your 22 years?? Who suggested you this idea?

Kiss, have a nice weekend, I'm going to sail.

Leni said...
I'm glad that you loved it. I didn't intend to make it so controversial, but I like it when my readers think about the stories and participate.

About my 22 years of age... what idea? how did you find out? I'm not telling you my age, not in a million years, lol. Look at my pic and find out, lol.

Have a nice sailing day and a nice weekend!

Nahuatl said...

I'll read the comments later some time :) coz I am quite high right now :D .. {hic!}.. oops!

I loved all those pics in this post... some quite funny and unusual. :D

But I truly believe, Leni, he is ready for more than usual 'dog in the manger' thing. And he shouldn't be giving up so easily.

You got hurt, I feel sorry for that. But I also know how Bob feels - bit misunderstood. Yes, he might have been little careless. But he is in transition and I think you will find better things in future. Just hold on.

To hold on, you need to know that guys don't share stuff like ladies do. So, its important to know what he had felt all these times while he was away. Was he really careless or something was keeping him busy. Work is important for guys - I think you would agree - coz it gives them chances to prove their competitiveness :) Guys need it. No? :)

Expectation is mother of all fcuk ups. But there is no relation without expectations. Hmm.. what to do?!!

Maybe, convey the expectation before you start and not hope for 100% then? :) That might smoothen things up! :D

Have a good day and night (whatever comes next :) )
I'm having my good time here..

Will come back later! {hic!} ;P

tom909 said...

Sweet Leni, you are indeed a hopeless romantic, which I have no doubt has its attractions, for men too!
I do/did start off with high ideals in my life but as time has gone by the knocks and scrapes have made me a little more pragmatic. Not to the point where I would deliberately hurt people I love, but just a bit to where they have to cope to some degree with my imperfections.
Sorry to be sooooooo serious Leni - you seem to have this effect on me.

Leni Qinan said...

Hey Ghosty! I really appreciate your visiting -much more knowing you're busy, dont worry about it-. I guess ghosting must be really amazing. I may try some day, lol. Or maybe you could teach me, what do you think? ;))

Have fun and a hell of a nice weekend! Hugs!

Leni Qinan said...

Hey Nayan!

(I am amazed at your lucidity in the midst of a surfeit of... who knows what).

I'm glad to know you loved the pics -love and hate are quite present in the net, google images is a good tool, you know that-

I'm sure Bob won't give up so easily and he will soon come back for more, heheh.

(It's easy to see that there are two different teams this time, lol.
Yes, men and women are so different -and the differences are sometimes the spice of life, some other times they make it real difficult-.)

So I realise that (just like Max) you sugest I should give Bob a second chance... (maybe I missed his reasons... prolly WORK. Yes, I agree with you: it's the competition instinct. You guys still keep some primitive instincts -I say it in the nicest way possible-. There's no more hunting or stalking... so work is a good way to channel that.

Good point about expectations, but I htink it should be a give and take, not a give and get, lol.

We'll see what happens.

Thanks a lot for your suggestions, Nayan (I'll think of them, they might be of help).

Enjoy your weekend, and don't eat too many hallucinogenic mushrooms, ok?


Leni Qinan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leni Qinan said...

Oooh dear Tom, it is my honour to host you for the second time in the same post!

(*I am rubbing my eyes, a bit skeptical, but no! it's true!*)

Let me flatter you a little bit: If you could just be a little less lazy, you would be perfect. But I bet you heard this before, lol.

Now you've reached your monthly quota of flatteries -nothing more until next month, or you'll go all silly-. (This is to balance and counteract such 'serious effect' you mention).

Be good (if you can, lol)