Monday, September 15, 2008

Love in the time of androids (II)

Ed took a candle and we walked through the dark corridors to the upper floor, while the storm furiously broke upon the mansion, sounding like the wind and heavy rain would sweep away the entire place.

The house was so empty that I could hear the echo of my own voice. There was a strange coldness in the air. Not only because of the huge and empty rooms; there was something I can’t describe; something scary that could freeze your heart to death.

- Don’t you feel very lonely in such a big house, Ed? –I asked-

Quite after I asked, I realised that my question was poisonous. But I never meant to hurt him. It was easy for me to ask that: I never felt lonely in my tiny flat, where I could always hear the sound of the streets: cars running; kids laughing; people talking.

He looked down and quietly opened the door to his room. He gently asked me to enter. We sat on the couch and warmed up by the fireplace.

- I am very lonely, yes. But life isn’t meant to be fair and nobody has the right to be blissfully happy. We must accept what we’re given. –he said, sadly-
- Oh, I'm sorry to say I disagree with you completely: everybody is entitled to look for happiness, I think.
- I’m looking for happiness, Leni. You know that, don’t you? –he asked-

For some reason the dark fatal man appeared before me showing his emotions out in the open, in such a powerful way that I completely forgot about the storm. Again, his blue eyes glowed in the dark and I couldn’t stand his piercing look.

- I’m glad that you made a deal with Hell; glad to have met you; glad that you have to write that book and so glad that we’re writing it together. –he said-. It’s the first time I feel close to happiness in many years. I almost forgot what it felt like to be happy.

His confessions made me blush.

- Are we still writing together, Ed? –I asked, intending to change the subject of our conversation-
- We certainly are, Leni. Read this… -he said-

He handed me four sheets of paper. The caption read “Moonshine killed a shade of grey, chapter 11”. That made me smile. His short break of inactivity was over and we were writing again. I sat closer to the candle to read these pages I had eagerly longed for.

Chapter 11 was very nicely written: Ed was a good writer. Way better than me. His style was very direct and his works had that powerful emotional ingredient that could easily reach the hearts of the readers without fear of overdoing them.

As I said somewhere before in this diary, his help offer with that difficult assignment I had received from Hellgirl, moved me deeply. It was not just a temporary association for the purpose of sorting out my biggest problem at the moment, but also a hidden way to get closer to me: the more we would write together, the longer we would be in touch.

Ed’s life had been miserable for a very long time. He had lost everything but wealth. His two wives and four children had died. He was out of time; facing strange days to which he didn’t belong but compulsorily had to live, forced by circumstances. He admitted he had been living in a self-imposed loneliness for years until we met. He was restoring his damaged soul, struggling to survive. And yes, I knew I was included in his plans.

- I’m so happy that fate allowed our destinies to meet–he said in a fit of honesty-. You’re a godsend, Leni.
- I’m happy for that, too –I said in a small whisper-

That was clear to me and I was flattered, but also scared to death of the future. Hence the whispering. I couldn't speak louder. Thank God he couldn’t see in the dark that I blushed to beetroot red.

Yet, whenever I felt overwhelmed with fear, I acted and sounded like Scarlet O’Hara after having to eat raw potatoes to save Tara. “After all… tomorrow is another day” –I would go, ignoring and postponing what was going on at the moment-. It was my way of saying to myself that everything would be all right.

That strategy would work with someone like Bob or Max, but not with Ed. He was light years ahead of them. So. I knew I would be hearing soon about his feelings for me.

The whole situation was worrying me big time. He was not like other men I had met in the past but rather mature; very direct; self-confident; he knew very well who he was and what he wanted. There was an overwhelming rationale for his decisions and actions. He took things to heart and seldom joked about serious stuff, so I had to be cautious.

Even though, he could not control his feelings. I didn’t want to cause him any harm or have a rotten time myself, but I felt I had to break down the walls of his isolation somehow. And no, it was not at all a matter of sympathy.

So I avoided fairly well my erratically childish moods –had I grown up yet?- and allowed him to knock on my door with unexpected force.

- I will be out for five days, Leni. –he said-
- Are you travelling? –I asked-
- Yes. And then I will stay for some days -perhaps weeks- in my retreat, at the Seashell Islands. But we’ll be in touch by e-mail.

No. I was starting to be very fond of him and he was already leaving me. That was just not fair. He sweetly took my hands and kissed my fingertips.

- This selfish Burdish fool should drive you home instead of keeping you here until early hours of the morning, don’t you think? –he asked-
- No! –I said, throwing one of my infantile fits-

He laughed loud. I scared myself. I was about to cry, couldn’t stand the idea of not hearing from him for weeks. But I tried to pull myself together to avoid sounding pathetic.

- What are you gonna do then, darling? –he asked-
- I’m staying here tonight… if you don’t mind. –I said, daringly-
- I don’t mind, but you know what that means.
- What?
- You’ll sleep in my bed. Next to me.

This is what I call being direct. The good thing was that I knew where I was and where I would be soon: for the moment, I was facing him; then, I would be naked in his bed. I didn’t object and silence spoke volumes.

I could barely see him in the dark, but I knew he was there. His silhouette became clear with every lightning and disappeared then, in a split second. He tenderly kissed my forehead, my eyes, my nose, my lips. I already knew his taste and it was sweet.

He didn’t waste his time: he approached me and started undressing me, quietly staring into my eyes. He kissed me with burning passion, sucking on my tongue soft and slow, with overpowering intensity. I took his right hand to my lips and sucked on his middle finger. That drove him crazy.

He carried me to bed in his arms. We whispered words of love into each other’s ears, just like lovers have done since the beginning of time. But time had little meaning, if any. We had chosen to be close, loving and vulnerable.

We were aroused with desire. All we could feel was intense urge and passion.

He asked me to rest my hands against the wall and bend forwards, before gently sliding inside me. I moaned as he slid in and out, his hands firmly holding my hips.

I begged him for mercy, but no mercy was shown to me until my whole body shivered when I felt that unmistakable tingling and strangled a scream of pleasure. I cried out his name, breathing heavily, almost glowing. Flashes of colour exploded behind my eyes.

His hands gripped my hair. He threw his head back, convulsing and cursing with every wave of spasm after spasm, groaning intensely.

Then, he collapsed beside me, closed his eyes and smiled as he tried to catch his breath again. I laid beside him, watching quietly until he turned to me and said:

- You’re so lovable, sweet little one.

That was one hell of a magic dream.
When I woke up the morning after, he was not there. I sat up in bed and had that sinking feeling of missing him. I dressed up with the same clothes of the previous day. - ‘Happy birthday, Leni –I said to myself- One more year of life to celebrate… and holding’.

I was looking for the keys to my car in my handbag, when I heard him say:

- Happy birthday, Leni. I have a little something for you.

He walked in the room with a small bunch of fresh cut tulips and bougainvillea and a small book called “Letters to my lover”. I smiled and kissed him.

- Is this the book about android love? –I asked, naively-.
- Nah, There is no such book, that was a white lie and my lousy excuse to bring you here and tell you that your balance with Hellgirl is settled. Your debt is paid with this book. I wrote it for you.

"Hidden place" (Björk)


Grass said...

awww, Ed is so sweet to have paid your debt with Hellgirl.. and with a romantic book as well! "Letters for my lover" really nice!

So what you waiting for sis? Forget Bob and get on with Ed instead! LOL


Fernando said...

Espero que escribas pronto unlibro, o que lo pùbliques si ya lo tienes, que no me extrañaría.

¿Qué haces subiendo un post a las 3 a.m.?

Un beso, buena semana.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi sis,

Yes, Ed is a very sweet man with a heart of gold. And to write a book to pay my debt is quite something. He is a dark guy as well, sometimes a bit difficult too, but I’m happy with the balance.

What am I waiting for… omg I need to have a few words with Bob the Great or he will be asking me again to buy more roast chicken and chips. (Coming up in next post).

I think it all lies on what growing in a relationship is, Grass: love needs permanent work and constant care and it’s a task for 2 people. Otherwise, the relationship won’t survive –this is the moral of today’s story-.

Wait to hear about the contents of the book. You’ll just love them.

Big big hug. Take care. ;)

Leni Qinan said...

Hola Fernan!

No sólo tengo un libro, sino varios, como bien sabes. Sí, yo también quisiera publicarlos y dejar de levantarme a las 7AM para meterme en Dumbass Industries y dejar de ser una currita, pero de momento me contento con esto. Lo que sea sonará.

¿Qué hago subiendo un post a las 3AM? Noooo
¿No sabes que se pueden programar la hora y se suben solos?

Bss para ti también y buena semana.

Leni Qinan said...


Fernando said…

I hope you write a book soon, or publish it if you already have one –I wouldn’t be surprised-.

What are you doing uploading a post at 3AM?

Kiss, have a nice week.

Leni said…

Hi Fernan!

I have not only a book but several ones, as you know. Yes, I would also love to publish them and stop getting up at 7AM and rush to Dumbass Industries as a working girl, but for the moment I make do with this. Who knows what the future will bring.

What do I do uploading a post at 3AM? Nooo.
Don’t you know you can program them to upload automatically? Try.

Kiss 4 U 2, and have a nice week.

Grass said...

I totally agree and Bob seems to have stopped making the effort to make your relationship with him meaningful. Tsk tsk.

Oh, I can't wait to read this book! Hope you post it soon! I'm a hopeless romantic, so I'd like to snoop around these love letters..hehehe

As for ED, well, nobody's perfect. Having a perfect boyfriend (if that kinda guy exist!) is way too boring. There's gotta be balance of evil and good in a guy to make him worth struggling for..hehe And don't we girls like to tame them?LOL


max said...

Hey Leni!
Ehm… what do you mean the strategy won’t work with Bob or me??? (are we supposed to be in the same bucket??? Comeon!). LOL.
Writing that book for you is an expression of his love for you and also a relief –to have paid your debt is something you should not forget, but now you’re indebted with him. How funny is it? Lol-.
I’m happy that you’ve finally found a guy who really loves you. And congrats for the torrid love scene. It’s nicely written.
I can’t wait to read what’s going on with Mr. Bob The Great. He should strike again if he has the guts.
Be good (if you can). :)

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Grass,

That’s right, sis, Bob has been unbelievably careless –something I just don’t understand, least of all at the beginning of a relationship-. As I said, love needs a lot of work from both sides. You can’t be lazy there if you want your relationship to succeed.

Hm… posting the book of love letters… -I should have to ask Ed before, maybe Hellgirl too, she has the copyright, lol- I’ll do my best to convince them, hehehe.

You’re right, nobody’s perfect –not even you and me, though we’re close to the paths of perfection, sis, and everyone should know this, lol-. Imperfection certainly has its charm, especially when you’re in love.

Lol taming guys, hahaha I never tried that, but thanks for the idea!

Leni Qinan said...

Hey Max,

What I mean is –in the nicest way possible- that this guy is way ahead from Bob and you for several reasons (basically, he is more experienced, and comes from a different background). So don't take it wrong, ok?

I prefer to have a debt with Ed, rather than with Hellgirl. She’s nice and funny, but I don’t like the thought of being a Hell minion.

(Wow, so you liked the torrid love scene. Excellent. I like to write these kind of scenes, it takes me a few time to make it sound soft and not offensive, -there are some words that I would never write- but there are some things that need to be said in a sex scene or it would sound real corny, lol).

Are you curious about Bob’s reaction? Don’t miss the next post then.

Big Kiss.

Ghost Particle said...

always present are the intense emotions and words. :0

some parts touched me deep, looking for happiness...something I am too doing.

another well written read Leni, hugs.

Leni Qinan said...

Thanks Ghosty!

Intensity, feelings and emotions is a part of the stuff we humans are made of, I think.

To feel and empathize with other people is essential for me, otherwise I would be living as if I were anesthesised, walking like a zombie.

To look for happiness is a very noble purpose in life, as long as we dont hurt anyone, something not so easy sometimes. Yet happiness is a rare gift, momentary and often interrupted by other not so nice events of life.

But even though, it's worth looking for it.

I hope your search is successful!


s said...

phew, i was worried i might had missed the final chapters, but luckily it is still in the making :)

A lot has happened i bet, lots of unanswered questions for me. Ill be needing some time to read all the posts ive missed last few week ... but i will be glad to read them.

ooh btw, lovely new profile picture, looks like you get more charming every time you put a new one up :)

Leni Qinan said...

OMG I can't believe this!!!

I thought you had been abducted by an alien spacecraft! Man, it's been so long since you've been around for the last time! :))

First and foremost: WELCOME BACK MOCKY.

Secondly, life moves on -I can't see final chapters of this story yet, lol-

Yeah, lots of things have happened -feel free to ask- and I'm happy to read you will be reading again.

And thanks for the nice compliment about my new pic ;) (*blushes*)

Big big big hug. :)

Ghost Particle said...

thx leni...more journeys, more stories to tell. isnt our lives are meant to experience, observe and tell. :)


Leni Qinan said...

You're very right Ghosty, live to learn, they say... and yet we never stop learning in this long journey called life.

Big hug.

PS.- BTW, have you seen Nayan? he's very quiet... ;)

Ghost Particle said...

I think Nayan is busy abit...hes traveling maybe...
mr Bollywood has a dayjob :D

hes not into acting yet, coz the manager, still here :D :D :D

hell come back...i tink it must be the extended hangover...sigh...someone mst advice the kid.

Leni Qinan said...

Lol Ghosty,

I didn't know Nayan was in the show business, lol. Oh you're the boss! Now i understand the rants! lol.

Unfortunately most of us have day jobs -until some head hunter finds out our talent and we can have a more interesting and rewarding occupation, hahaha.

Extended hangover?? on Thursday? lol.

Take care.