Sunday, November 30, 2008

The fine art of murder

I started having grotesque and depressive visions of the future. Happiness was a butterfly that seemed to have flown away. I gazed into his eyes, sadly realising he had found me but I would be losing him forever: I was convinced that he was going to be killed. I would become a dark thing then and fade away soon, dragged down into a gloomy existence.

I frightened myself thinking that next time Jimmy Moon would visit the house I would poke through the kitchen drawers looking for a steak knife and stab him to death with malice aforethought. I was taken aback by my wild imagination. To see my killer instincts emerge so easily made me doubt about my sanity. Some might disagree, but I have always been a decent -and essentially peaceful- woman, and murder considered as one of the fine arts had never been at the top of my priority list until that day.

I couldn’t help wondering what’s inside the mind of a killer to make him/her lose the train of thought and end up believing that human life is not sacred. Mental illness? Brain damage? Or maybe just a black, evil soul?

Psychiatrists say that the instinct to kill lies dormant in our mind but can be triggered by events. Each and everyone of us have the capacity to commit murder in a fit of diseased madness. We would all be astonished to find out what a harmless individual is capable of doing in situations of extreme horror, panic or anxiety.

I asked myself how easy it would be to take someone’s life away. Not just in a manner of speaking, but in actual truth. I wondered what it would be like to have that strong feeling of hate towards someone to the extent of feeling compelled to commit murder, like I was feeling about Jimmy Moon, that obnoxious blackmailer who used questionable debt collection methods.

- It’s just not fair –I said with tears in my eyes, breaking the silence in the room-.
- Life wasn’t meant to be fair, sweetheart. But I can’t let this happen to you. That’s what’s really unfair. This is why I’ll offer Jimmy to keep me and set you free.
- What? Do you really think he will accept that? He will kill you on the spot! Pay him!
–I cried, alarmed-.
- No. I won’t pay him. And he won’t kill me.

He kissed me tenderly, and whispered:

- But if he does, love… I thank fate for allowing us to meet. The time we’ve spent together has been worth every minute.

Tears rolled down my face. That sounded like he was going to go forever. For all sad words of tongue or pen, those were the saddest I had ever heard.

- He will kill you, Ed! Why don’t you want to pay him?
- Because I’ve already paid an inconceivable amount of money for having made an unintentional mistake. After being lied about, intimidated, defamed, stalked, harassed and extorted for money over the years, I decided I’ve had it.
- I didn’t know he did all that to you.
- He actually did more than that; he caused the wreck of the ship where my second wife and eight-month old son died long ago. Now he has kidnapped you. He kills, destroys and burns everything I love. I’ve paid more than enough for that bloody license.

I could see the pain in his eyes and looked down.

- Tell me you’re not offering him to take my place.
- Ok Leni, I guess you should know what my real purpose is: I came here to rescue you and kill him. People like Jimmy Moon deserve death.

I was asking myself a zillion questions. Among them: Is it fair to claim for the principle of ‘an eye for an eye’ in a society that’s supposed to be considered as an enlightened civilisation? Is it right to respond to crime by committing more of the same?

My parents always taught me not to fight back when offended, and I learned that a law based on revenge serves no purpose. But ‘Many who live deserve death, and some who die deserve life’, said Gandalf to Frodo as he wished death upon Gollum in Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring, and I totally agree with that quote. And yet… who are we to play God and decide about other people’s life and death?

But I was bound and determined: I would kill Jimmy Moon with my own hands. Even if I had no plan, if would find the way. Things just couldn’t go on like that. So I kissed Ed, got up and walked to the kitchen, where I opened the cutlery drawer and looked for the sharpest knife.

- What are you doing, Leni? Come here, lay beside me, sweetheart. –said Ed from the bed-.

I wrapped the knife in my long skirt’s pocket and went back to him. He was amazingly relaxed and confident. Intuition told me the worst was yet to come.

- What the hell is this? –he asked, touching the knife in my pocket-
- Just in case. –I answered with a low voice-.
- Just in case what? –he asked, very serious-
- Just in case Jimmy Moon would come here to kill you.
- Leni, that’s sweet and I appreciate, but he can kill you six different ways before you hit the floor. So be a nice gal and give me that knife. You can hurt yourself.
- No way!
– I said, grabbing the knife with my hands-

As we were discussing that matter, the door opened suddenly and we saw Jimmy Moon’s cadaverous face appear.

- Uh oh, what do we have here… a pair of lovebirds… -he chuckled, removing his black gloves-

Ed stood up and whispered:

- Leni, we’re in a difficult situation right now. Hide. I’ll be looking for you.
- No. I want to be with you.
- Leni, please. Look for a place to hide. I will have to fight very soon. You heard me, Leni. Hide or go away.
- I’m not leaving you alone here.
- Go before he kills the two of us.
- Never.
- Why are you so stubborn? Ok, then stay real close behind me and don’t move.

I latched on to him and shivered with fear. It was a stupid decision, I know, but I wanted so much to protect him that I didn’t realize how stupid I was being. Ed had been caught unawares and was too worried about taking care of me. Jimmy slowly slid his dagger out. The scrubbing sound of the blade against the metal rim of the sheath ran chills down my spine. He stared at Ed and threatened him with an evil smile.

I looked at Jimmy with my eyes full of rage.

- Aww… what a cute little fighter! She’s spirited! Do you think you can save your man from the mean bad guy? I don’t think so! –he shouted, staring at me, his fingers gently tickling my cheek-

He laughed, and I became furious.

- Hey, keep your hands off her! –shouted Ed, as he pushed him-
- You still owe me something, bastard.-said Jimmy-
- I’ll wipe that smile off your face!!!

Soon they were engaged in a fierce fight. A deathly silence was followed by the sound of their daggers clashing. I remained unnoticed and started moving back to the other side of the room, grabbing firmly the kitchen knife in my pocket. I moved slowly and quietly until I was behind Jimmy.

Suddenly I felt that terrible rage and the unstoppable urge to finish him. I took my knife and slit his throat brutally as soon as he lowered his guard. Jimmy’s thick black blood splashed my face and neck like a jet. He became pale, staggered towards the door whispering ‘Bitch’. Then, he collapsed on the floor shook with violent convulsions and finally died on a puddle of blood.

I washed my face and hands. I couldn't stand my clothes, all blood-stained. I had to remove them.

I let the knife fall off my hand. I had killed a man. I was a murderer. I felt sick.

"Tranquilize" The Killers + Lou Reed


Megan said...

I wasn't ready for Jimmy to die yet!!!!

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Megan!

Wow, I didn't know Jimmy had a supporter!
Don't take things for granted, I may have to double check he is really dead... one never knows: supernatural people live long and often survive these situations...

tom909 said...

No Leni, he's dead, for sure!
Now, I wouldn't be too worried about killing that guy - it's one of those 'you or him' situations where right and wrong doesn't come into it.
But there is some doubt about Ed's morals here too. I mean, he did make an agreement with the guy, and he did renege on it. You know something, if I was you I'd get out of there and make a fresh start - try and find some nice guy that doesn't come with 200 years of dodgy baggage.

Leni Qinan said...

Hm... so you want Jimmy Moon dead, Tom? Oh my, this complicates things. I can't please Megan and please you too... (or can I? Yes, I think I can!)

You're right about Ed, he made an agreement with the guy and he didn't fulfill his part of the deal. But sometimes there are abusive situations that may lead us to change our mind about deals with other people, I think. Especially if they break the rules. Life is not always black or white, but most times it has different shades of grey.

No way I would make a fresh start, Tom. I really like this guy. And I
don't mind about the age (200 years is not so old, if you're clever, tender, good lover, look like Johny Depp and are the wealthiest man in the South Sandwich Islands, lol).

Take care!

Dick said...

Dead already? Maybe he is not, who knows, You, lol.
I think there is a killer in each person, well almost each person.
btw correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't it Gandalf who said those words.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Dick!

You’re right, who knows? The supernatural gang is always a surprise package. Anything could happen in the next post.
I agree with you, in my opinion every person could be a potential killer, depending on the situation, if they’re driven to extreme pressure and circumstances. Many could kill to defend or protect their loved ones too.

(And yes, it was Gandalf, not Frodo –I thought by mistake it was him talking about Gollum-. Thanks for telling me, I’m correcting the post right now.)

Take care. ;))

Grass said...

Oh my sis.. better wash your hands with strong detergent.. I mean, that's century old (rotting) blood on your hands.. ewww.. LOL

What an ending! I was surprised that everything about Jimmy will end in his tragic death at your peace-loving hands.. And no, you're not a murderer, you're just a person seeking justice. I don't think the normal laws will apply to Jimmy, and neither to you considering that this guy is not of this world...

I can't believe Jimmy did all those horrible things to Ed. Tsk tsk. .he deserved what he got...



Megan said...

I don't know that you could call me a supporter. But I am an interested party...

Donn Coppens said...

good riddance!

It isn't an epic until somebody dies. Now I am conflicted on the issue of state sanctioned executions..
most of the recipients were created to fail from the getgo.
A impoverished life void of hope and caring surrounded by dysfunction and misery.

In Freakonomics the author outlined that the crime rate diminished in the 80s & 90s thanks to the accessibility of abortion in the 70s. Sad but true.

The truely psychotic killers, those far beyond redemption, should be euthanised like mad dogs, but those impoverished miscreants with a glimmer of hope should be given a chance to make restitution.

The logical pro-active response to crime would be to sterilise everyone until they have been educated..but try flying that lead balloon.

I know for certain that in order to protect my family I would snap a dangerous intruder's neck like a chicken bone with my bare hands..
because I don't have a sword.

Dick said...

Oh it's OK, many years ago I red the book many times for me it was an escape from the real world.

rebecca said...

i read somewhere once that we all have the capacity to kill. all of us. anything, like you said, can trigger it. i guess in the end, our primal fears come to surface to do what it is we were 'naturally' born to do? if attacked, defend yourself or die; or, in this case, when one of your loved ones is attacked, do the same.

this was an incredible story lani. kept me engaged from beginning to end and went over and read it again. well crafted; very well done.


Anonymous said...


C'est halloween !! Pire Scream ,Brrrr ! :{

J'ai été coupé du monde ( serveur en rideau !)

(* Mon remède contre la peur ,des p'tits bisous *)

Sebi said...

Hi Leni,

such a long time but I discover a way to read your histories, just printing them and have a nice reading in the train jejejejeje

well happy to be back and read your wonderful words,

send you a big big hug,

and hope to be more often reading you ... miss that

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Grassy!

You can bet my hands need a good wash, but… are you really sure Jimmy’s dead? Who knows if he really is?

Actually, sis, protection of third parties and self-defence are stronger than any law. Just wait and see when your baby is born.
And as far as supernatural beings are concerned… one never knows. Different rules apply for them, as you know, lol.

Leni Qinan said...


Ok, not a supporter, but an interested party.

Things are not exactly what they seem when supernatural people are concerned, so I wouldn’t be 100% sure he’s dead… ;) Come back in a few days and you may be surprised... ;)

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Donn!

So you’re not on the side of the villains, that's clear!

Obviously, educational and social background have a very important influence in people’s evolution and development.

I didn’t know about the statistics relating criminality and abortion, but sounds quite logic if destination is poverty and uncertain future.

Some kinds of criminals (those of the worst kinds) cannot be reintegrated into society, that’s a fact. The State and laws have tried to prove that it was possible, but this theory failed quite often. About sterylisation… I think they tried something in France (I saw on the TV some experiences with medical treatments on rapists, but don’t know if this was effective).

And yes, I agree with you, just as I said to Grass, I would be able to slit the throat of those who would threaten my family

(*throws sword at Donn and winks*).

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Dick!

I remember reading Tolkien’s saga when I was a student. I found it so thrilling that I could read for hours until it was late at night (then found myself asleep with the book in my hands). I loved that fantastic world and continued with ‘Silmarilion’ and ‘The hobbit’.

Books can be the best of friends, Dick. And a good way to escape from real life without having to fly too far.

Take care

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Rebecca, and welcome!

Thanks for your sweet words. Coming from a writer, I really appreciate them.

Right, we agree on that: self defence and the lives of our loved ones are the possibilities that most of us are thinking of. I also think there’s a potential killer in all of us (have you seen the film ‘Falling down’, directed by Joel Schumacher? Where a frustrated unemployed worker begins to psychotically and violently lash out against everything? It could happen to anyone).

((*sends hugs back over the net and whispers… ‘un cariñoso abrazo para ti también’)). ;)


Leni Qinan said...

Bonjour Crabtree!

J’étais un peu inquiète, et me demandais si quelque chose vous avait arrivé! Vous m’avez manqué enormément!

J’éspère que votre internet se trouve en bonne santé maintenant. ;)

(les ptits bisous son le mieux remède contre la peur).

(*envoie double portion de bisous*)

Leni Qinan said...


Crabtree said:

It’s Halloween! Worst scream!
I’ve been isolated from the world (unstable server!)
(*My remedy against fear, tiny kisses*)

Leni said:

Bonjour Crabtree!

I was a little bit worried and asked myself if something had happened to you! I missed you a lot!
I hope your internet connection is healthy now.;) Tiny kisses are the best cure against fear.
(*sends double portion of tiny kisses*)

Leni Qinan said...

WOW!!! My good friend Sedi The Great is back!!!

I can’t believe you’re here!!! Hey, I’m so glad to see you here again!!!

It’s a good idea to read my stories in the train, just as you used to do with my books! If you print all the posts you haven’t read and read them in the train, you will be able to get to China, lol.

Btw, I’m starting some new projects (personal editions, new novel, co-writing, translating, etc)

Superbig hug for you too. Petons.

Anonymous said...

I was with the official operator (the one that holds the monopoly in France "orange")
I changed and that works again correctly !

La double portion de bisous est un régale ,moi qui suis gourmand ;)

Leni Qinan said...

Bonjour Crabtree!

Hm… ‘official’ operators often have a dominant position in the market, and that’s not good for the customer. I have a friend who works for Orange and he changed his internet to Telefónica –dominant, but much better, same as I have-. Anyway, good luck with your new internet supplier, I missed you here.

La double portion de bisous est un cadeau spécial. On vous à beaucoup manqué ici!


mac said...

Hey Leni!

I share your thoughts about murder. Some people with evil souls don’t deserve to live –the worst criminals we can imagine-. I don’t believe in the theories about integration in society –that’s rather political correctness and ethics, from my point of view-.

I could also kill with my own hands anyone who would threaten the lives of my loved ones, so I applause Ed –and you-. No mercy, honey. And yes, good riddance!

Take care.

max said...

Hey Leni!

I share your thoughts about murder. Some people with evil souls don’t deserve to live –the worst criminals we can imagine-. I don’t believe in the theories about integration in society –that’s rather political correctness and ethics, from my point of view-.

I could also kill with my own hands anyone who would threaten the lives of my loved ones, so I applause Ed –and you-. No mercy, honey. And yes, good riddance!

Take care.

max said...

((Sorry for commenting twice, but my name is not MAC ut MAX));)


great work! wonderful writing!!! loving it!

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Zack! nice to have you back here again and to know you're enjoying!

Take care of those beautiful blue eyes, please. Your need them to read my next story. ;)