SURREAL ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS

Sunday, September 6, 2009

How I almost became a two-bit criminal

After my lurid story with Leonard Ellison, I rushed home and had a long hot shower, feeling dirty and sick. I couldn’t sleep a wink that night, just thinking of the politest way to resign from my escort job, before I discreetly disappeared from the scene.

In all honesty, I was not the best candidate to entertain anyone ‘to the fullest extent possible’, as it was written in my employment contract; least of all, would I do that for a bunch of bored business guys looking for free kinky entertainment after their important working meetings. So Demonius High’s VIP clients should have to find themselves another nice girl of easy virtue.

But even though Demonious was a Hell minion and not exactly my favourite person, I didn’t want to betray him or take French leave. So I decided to speak to him, in order to dissolve our association. He answered my phone call very enthusiastically:

- How did it go last night with Leonard, Leni?

The right answer to his question was ‘I couldn’t possibly imagine that your best client would be as revolting as a slimy puddle of dog’s vomit, so I had to give him two sleeping pills to neutralize the effect of the two Viagras he had swallowed to shag me until I’d get sore’. But I didn’t want to sound rude; so instead of answering that, I preferred to keep my mouth firmly shut and just said:

- It was fine, Dem. But let me keep the secret to myself.

And then he said something that shocked me big time:

- Oh, you’re so cute and discreet, Leni! I’m glad to hear that everything went fine, because tonight you’ll have an extra task to perform.

What now? Would I have to shag Leonard’s driver too?

- Well, the truth is… I wanted to speak to you about the job, Dem… -I said-
- Listen, Leni. This is very important: I’m going to leave a small parcel for you at Leonard's hotel's reception desk, containing a micro camera hidden in a wristwatch. You will wear it and take detailed pictures of him while you two have sex when he doesn’t notice. –he said, interrupting me, not even noticing that I was talking-
- Aaah. -I said, in shock- And what’s the purpose of these pics?
- We need them for our files, honey. That’s all you need to know about them. You will receive a very generous tip, of course.

Oh my, now we were having a stolen photo session and I was going to become a two-bit criminal. I was totally sure that Demonious would use the pictures to blackmail Leonard. And what did I care? He was an asshole too.

But I didn’t want to participate in stuff like that. Besides, whatever the generous tip would amount to, I was wondering how could I possibly take a picture of that guy while having sex with him in such a way that he wouldn't notice.

- Leonard phoned me this morning. He has taken a shine to you, Leni. He wants to meet you again tonight at 8pm in his hotel suite, for a private dinner. Don’t forget to pick up the camera at the reception desk before you meet him. –said Demonius before he put the telephone down-.

That was great news: we were having another private party. That meant Leonard hadn’t kicked the bucket yet, in spite of the Viagra and sleeping pill cocktail overdose.

And on top of it, Demonius didn’t even let me speak when I tried to tell him that I intended to quit the job.

It was definitely the end of the deal. I had to speak to Leonard and unveil the truth about the bloody micro camera. Then, I would disappear forever.

This time I was not going to get all dolled up to look like a modern pin-up girl.

At 7pm I put a white blouse, black cardigan, jeans and trainers on, put my hair up in a ponytail, took my backpack and walked to the most luxurious and sophisticated hotel in Grytviken: The Sandwichian Crown. It had been built in the 80s with the finest designs and materials and pricelessly marketed abroad by the King of the South Sandwich Islands himself. That was Leonard’s hotel.

At 8pm I announced to one of the receptionists:

- My name is Leni Qinan. Mr. Leonard Ellison is waiting for me.

As soon as she heard that name, the girl rushed to the phone, dialed a number and whispered a few words. When she came back to the reception desk, she whispered:

- Miss Qinan, this is for you. –she said, handing me a small box-. Mr. Ellison is waiting for you at the Royal Penthouse Suite on the tenth floor.

I opened the box. There was a wristwatch inside and a note from Demonious saying: “Just press the side button to activate the micro camera and take as many snapshots as possible”.

I took the long and cruel road to the slaughterhouse, from the elevator to the tenth floor. I walked along the corridor towards the door to the Royal Penthouse Suite.

I knocked at the door and a maid opened it. The suite looked impressively stylish and comfortable. It had an awesome view of the bay.

- If you’ll please follow me to the parlour, Miss Qinan, Mr Ellison would like a word with you. –said the maid-

I nodded and followed her. Leonard was sitting on a sofa, in a maroon dressing gown, reading a newspaper.

- Good evening Leonard, nice to see you again.
- The pleasure is all mine!
–he said-. You’re so hot tonight with that naughty schoolgirl look!

Gosh, this guy was impossible. I did my best to look unattractive and yet he looked at me through rose-tinted spectacles. It was pretty obvious that he didn’t remember anything that happened the night before.

- Leonard, I have something important to tell you. –I said, serious-.
- Uh oh. Tell me what is it, sweety.
- Demonius is betraying you.

He stared at me and laughed loud.

- Why would he do that?
- Maybe to extort money from you?
- I trust him completely.
- Would you put your hand in the fire for him?

He hesitated. I could see the shadow of a doubt there.

- Surely not. But why should I believe you? -he asked-
- You’re right: Why should you believe me if I said to you that Demonious gave me this wristwatch with a hidden micro camera inside and detailed instructions about taking pictures of you while we're having sex? –I said, as I got up and started walking towards the door-.
- Not so fast. –he said, grabbing my arm-. What’s the matter?
- You heard me
–I answered-. Would you like to see the evidence of what I just said? There you go –I said, throwing the wristwatch and the note on the table-.

He took it and watched it carefully. He looked puzzled and a bit skeptical.

- You still don’t believe me? Dude, your underdeveloped mosquito brain should be kept in a specimen jar floating into a vitriolic solution, with a label saying: ‘Kick my ass’. See what happens when you’re filthy rich and you hire an unscrupulous lawyer, Leonard?

Then I ran away. I ran outside as fast as I could and didn’t stop until I got home. I was so afraid.

Demonious would soon know that I had unveiled his secrets.

Hellgirl would soon find out that I had betrayed his beloved friend.

And last, but not least, Leonard the Great would soon realise that he had made a deplorable fool of himself by blindly trusting a dodgy lawyer and hiring an opportunistic unemployed woman in disguise, eager to make easy money at his expense. Someday he would even discover that she could have very well led him to join the eternal sleep, poisoning him with her red pills.

I knew they wouldn't let me go just like that.




"Let it be me" (Ray Lamontagne)

17 comments:

rebecca said...

First of all let me say that the little schoolgirl outfit wasn't going to work. I knew dirty, little Leonard would get a kick out of that. Ay Leni! Now, betraying Demonious is one gutsy move! I wasn't expecting that and I haven't the slightest clue on how you're going to get yourself out of this without Demonious making it very, very unpleasant for you. Now I'll have to wait till the next installment. Oh Leni, let's see what that delicious mind of yours conjures up next..

((mil mil))

max said...

Oh Leni, this is the result of your 'liaisons dangereuses'.
As one of your most faithful readers, I remember Hellgirl, Percy, and now this Demonious.

Where is your Ed hiding?

XXX.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I'm worried that that kinky swine Ellison actually liked the idea of being photographed by you while he was panting and slavering like a dog.

Grass said...

Good point Rebecca. Gorgeous Leni can wear rags and still look hot. Sis, why are you even surprised at Leonard's reaction? :p Surely, he would think you were dressed up for him as a law school girl with face like yours and brains like him? LOL

Betrayal is something though. I'm very sure all hell will break lose with your betrayal.

Right question Max, where is Ed?!


xxx

sage said...

The twists and turns you throw into the story! You have drawn me in and I'm worried that Leni is going to now be wanted by the mob and the demons of hell...

Fernando said...

I didnt think you were going to talk to Leo about Demonious betray....

Back to work?

Have a greta week, LeTi.

Crabbers said...

I had a little evil to detach my glance in the first paragraph, but after a hard effort ... ;)
It is of Baudelaire !!

Où est le temps où, tout entière à ces sentiments louables, je ne connaissais point ceux qui, portant dans l'âme le trouble mortel que j'éprouve, ôtent la force de les combattre en même temps qu'ils en imposent le devoir ?
Dit-il dans "LES LIAISONS DANGEREUSES"

(* fatal bisous :) *)

Leni Qinan said...

Oh Rebecca, I can be quite silly sometimes, but I'm a decent woman and i don't like these little games (taking pics to use them afterwards who knows what for). I have some principles...

This will probably bring wrath on Demonious. Hell's minions are unpredictable and terrible too!

((mil mil too!))

Leni Qinan said...

Yes, Maxi, you're right, as usual. Remember how I became friends with them? Because it's funnier to be bad than to be good. Nevetheless, I like your remark. Liaisons dangereuses, well said.

I don't know where Ed is. Maybe in Orsinia on a business trip, who knows. Or maybe having a look at me in his crystal ball.

XXX

Leni Qinan said...

Mr Bananas, fear not. I have other tricks up my sleeve, apart from the sleeping pills (like making him drink until he collapses). Yes, it might excite him just to think that I would be taking pictures of him while having sex with me, but for the moment I'm afraid he will have to resign himself to a short chat.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi sis! Oh You and Rebecca are so cute! To dress casually was an unforgivable mistake -blame it on me, I should have put a boiler suit on!-.

You're probably right: all my Hell's friends will start a huge war and I'll be in a very awkward position soon. Wish me luck.

Ed? Hm... haven't heard from him lately. ;)

XXX

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Sage, Leni is such an emotional and warm hearted little person. Sometimes she acts silly like a kid, but in the bottom of her heart she has pure feelings. I hope with a little help she can overcome the mob from hell!

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Fernando!
Oh yes, I'll unveil Demoniuos' evil plans and there will be consequences, just wait and see.

((Yes, back to work with a new boss and less stress... and what about your holidays? are you taking some more days off?))

Have a great week too, Fernando.

Leni Qinan said...

Bad companies, liaisons dangereuses, evil people, wicked games... they're Baudelaire's fleurs du mal. They impose others the duty of evil. This is where I am right now. And yet I hope that in the fight between good and evil, good prevails.

(*sages bisous*)

Crabbers said...

The good always takes it away !

J'ai détourné la phrase de son contexte par amusement ! Caressez longuement une phrase et elle finira par sourire.
Mais je préfère LENI plutôt que Baudelaire c'est plus vivant !! :)

I diverted the sentence of its context by entertainment ! Fondle a sentence for a long time and she will end up smiling .
But I prefer LENI rather than Baudelaire it is more alive !! :)

(* bisous détourné *)

Leni Qinan said...

My dear friend Crabbers, you flatter me! (*blushes like a beetroot*)
I'm more alive than Baudelaire, mon cher, but I still have to learn a lot to write -if I ever do- as good literature as him! Nevertheless, I really appreciate your sweet words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ;)

(*bisous de miel*)

INNER VOICES said...

HAPPY HAPPY DAY TO YOU TOMORROW!!!