SURREAL ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Hexed

- I’m the man who loves you. –he said-

I had to hold on tight to the side of the table, because I started shaking like a leaf when he said that. The guy got me really flustered. He gazed into my eyes with his piercing look and I couldn’t think straight.

WOW.

Not happy with his stunning sentence, he took a short pause to breathe and continued to speak slowly.

- I can’t believe you have forgotten me just like that, Leni.

He said that in a low tone of voice; sadly; looking down. I flung myself into the armchair, squirming with embarrassment. My short skit and lace petticoat fluttered in my fall. Two buttons of my ridiculously tight blouse popped and broke. He fixed his eyes on my cleavage.

- Dude, I give up. You may be the man who loves me; my brother; the butcher or even the bloke who has impregnated me ten times, but I can’t even remember your face. I’m sorry, but I don’t know you, capisce? –I said rudely-

Can rudeness ever be polite? Of course the answer is no. I knew I had hurt him and I regretted my harsh words on the spot.

He sat back on the sofa, far from me and said:

- Listen to what I’m saying, please. Maybe this will help you remember who you are and where you come from. Your real name is Leni Qinan, not Nicolette Bixby. That’s a fake name you paid for when you thought you could get in trouble. You were born and lived in South Sandwich all your life. You worked four years as a lawyer for the Dumbass Industries. Your ex-boss, Harry Balls, aka Big Cheese, used to bully you and one day you decided to take three weeks off, pretending you had chicken pox. But in reality you went to Mawi-Mawi, where you were detained in the police station for going topless on the beach. Unfortunately, when you were released, your picture had been published in the Sandwichian newspapers. You boss caught you cheating and fired you. He banned you from the job market by spreading all kinds of false rumours about your supposed disloyalties. You’ve been unsuccessfully job hunting for six months and when you gave up all hopes, you ended up asking Hellgirl for help. She introduced you to his friend Demonius High, from the firm High, Low & Partners. They both had the great idea of hiring you as a social escort, in order to entertain his VIP customers. That included having sex with them, if requested. Your first and only client was Leonard Ellison, the Orsinian tycoon. He had two Viagras and you gave him two strong soporifics to prevent him from shagging you. Does that ring a bell?

Yes, I vaguely remember that night. I nodded. He continued talking.

- You decided to quit the job when Demonious forced you to take pictures of Leonard having sex with you, because you suspected that he would use them to blackmail him. That same night you disappeared in the ferry to the North Sandwich Islands.
- I never had sex with him! And I never took these pictures!
–I said, a bit annoyed-
- Good for you, then! I’m not judging you! –he said, very upset-

That was a very accurate summary of my latest history. My gray matter was restoring its memory steadily without a break.

I was starting to remember but suddenly, my empathic brain sensed a new kind of emotion in that man’s heart: fierce jealousy. The green eyed monster was eating his soul from the inside.

- I remember that just some minutes ago someone blew silver itching powder into my face when I came upstairs. My eyes are still sore. –I said-
- Ok NOW this starts making sense… Tell me the name of the bastard, please.
- Why should I? What’s the matter?
- Leni, Nicolette… or whatever you think your name is… tell me who was that guy.
- One of my coworkers.
- Do you remember his name?
- Yes.
- What was it?
- Ruud.
- Good girl. Now Ruud what?
- I don’t know, sir
–I cried, frightened-
- Oh shit, stop calling me sir, for fuck’s sake!!! –he shouted-

He immediately regretted having yelled at me. He turned back, ashamed and whispered:

- Please, excuse my disturbing you. I’m very troubled. But that is no excuse. Accept my sincere apologies.

An expectant silence filled the room. What could I say?

- So Ruud. I’ll find that asshole. He gave you amnesic powder. He’ll pay dearly for this. We need a sorcerer.-he said-
- A sorcerer! What for??? -I asked, a bit scared-
- To break the spell. It’s pretty obvious that you’ve been hexed. Otherwise you won’t be able to remember your past anymore. And then, this Ruud will get his comeuppance.

He meant a real sorcerer. When I was little, I saw “The sorcerer’s apprentice”, Mikey Mouse’s funny interpretation of Goethe’s poem with Dukas’ music in the background, in the beautifully strange film “Fantasia”. That day I learned that nobody should meddle with things they don’t understand.

Some years later, like all the kids of my age, I frantically played Monkey Island, Indiana Jones and the fate of Atlantis in my computer and… of course, Simon the Sorcerer: the only sorcerer I ever had something to do with.

- These are nothing but silly superstitions! –I said in anger-
- You don’t even know who you are. What other evidence you need? –he said, staring at me-.

At that point, I started throwing one of the biggest tantrums I’ve ever had in my whole life.

- And what will you do now? Call Harry Potter? Gandalf the Gray? Merlin the wizard? -I asked-
- Ok, dream on, smarty pants. But I’ll bring your memory back. –he answered-
- Listen, Mr. Whatever the Fuck Your Name is: my life was plain and ordinary until I entered this room. Will you please let me go and forget what has happened here forever?
- Wake up and smell the coffee, Leni. Your memory has been deleted and you can’t remember that your life has neither been plain nor ordinary. You’ve been blessed with the gift of life and you’re expected to complete an important assignment that hasn’t been revealed to you yet. Your fate is inevitably linked to mine and I can’t –I won’t- let you go, whether you like it or not. You don’t believe me now, do you? I don’t give a shit. I have time to wait until you realize it.

The gift of life? An important assignment that hadn't been revealed to me yet? Our fate linked together? What the hell was all that nonsense?

Suddenly, a strange guy came into the room. He was a solemn, skinny and serious being. From his clothes, I presumed he was the butler. But his most remarkable feature was that he looked like a hologram: his whole body was transparent. You could see through him in the most literal sense of the word!

- Is there anything you need, Mylord? –he asked-
- Yes, Stoicescu. We need to go back to South Sandwich immediately. Miss Qinan is joining us. She will need her own room in this suite and of course, new clothes according to her style. And I urgently need to speak to Nicolae the Long.

The transparent guy turned back to face me and greeted:

- It’s a real pleasure to meet you again, Miss Qinan.
- Don’t bother speaking to her. She’s been hexed and can't remember her past. This is why she’s being a bit silly and is so pissed off.
-said Ed-

I looked at them out of the corner of my eye and shouted with rage:

- I’m not being silly!!!
- Oh, poor thing. My cousin was hexed by a witch with a major spell in 1516. His hair and nails turned to blue; he got a beak growing around his mouth; he forgot the language. All he could do was quacking. He didn’t recover his powers of speech until Nicolae the Long could break the spell, three weeks later. -said the butler, looking at me-
- That’s why we need him here to help her regain normalcy. -said Ed-
- Wait a minute guys… what do you mean 1516? We’re in 2010! And what’s all this nonsense about sorcerers dressed in cloaks and pointy hats? –I shouted-

They didn’t take any notice of what I said and walked to the other side of the room.

- You’ll have to excuse her. She doesn’t really mean what she’s saying. She’s a different creature now but she will be as sweet, witty and nice as ever when the spell is broken. Meanwhile, find me the sorcerer and please arrange it for him to come here as soon as possible.

The butler nodded and disappeared down the corridor.



"I don't even know myself" (The Who)

22 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

A man with a butler must be a pretty good catch, even if he was a see-through butler. Throw yourself on his mercy after checking his reflection appears in a mirror would be my recommendation.

Nahuatl said...

Hello Leni! :)
This post summarizes all that I missed =D

Sorry to be pain, but something went wrong in this line. "She’s been hexed and can't remember his past"

:)
See you later! Hugs!

Leni Qinan said...

Mr Bananas, this guy is a real catch! He's almost the owner of the South Sandwich Islands... if my weak memory serves me well. But he's not perfect. He's almost 300 years old in a 45vish body -which shouldn't concern me too much...-

As soon as I recover it, I'm sure I'll throw myself in his arms, in spite of his supernatural "peculiarities".

Thanks for the advise (wise, as usual).

Leni Qinan said...

Hey Nayan! Welcome back!

I'm glad you liked it, you see the story goes on.

Thanks for telling me about the wrong line. It was probably 2am or so someday when i wrote it -normal writing time of mine- hence, the mistake. I should take more sleep and write more during the day, but sometimes it's not possible.

Hugs 2 U 2!

Grass said...

Leni, you're funny and rude when you throw a fit.. LOL Now this is getting more exciting. I hope the butler drags Harry Potter to the scene. If that happens, I'd go gaga if I were in your shoes. LOL

I'm looking forward on "how Ed deals with Ruud". It should be action-filled and exciting.

Are you gonna be exorcised by a witch or a warlock? :D

sage said...

A battle of good and evil, of angels and demons? The story continues and we anxiously await the next installment.

Skeeter said...

Hi Leni,

This is an interesting turn. Will look forward to meeting the scorcer. The man with domestic helpers can't be all bad, can he? :-)

Bewst wishes,

Skeeter

Borah said...

Can rudeness ever be polite?

Perhaps not, but it can certainly be funny.

max said...

My goodness me, Nikolae the Long! with that name I bet he will break the spell, but i hope you keep on being the same as usual! ;)

I used to play Monkey Island too, and I finished without help!

Skeeter said...

Hi Leni,

I love that image with the lock. It's perfect.

Best wishes,

Skeeter

Fernando said...

Siento haber estado tanto tiemop sin pasar por aquí... ¿Me perdonas? Nada serio, sólo trabajo. El espíritu del rodaballo sigue vivo, te hemos mandado ayer sendos mails.

Un beso, LeTi.

Leni Qinan said...

My dear sis, 99% of my time I can say I’m quite nice, but really, you don’t want to know how rude I can be during that 1% of minutes when someone really upsets me.

It’s not easy, but you’d like to be very very far away from me, lol.
No sweety, Harry Potter is busy working for JK Rowling already (I wish he was mine, but I’m not such a good writer, lol). But the sorcerer hired by Ed will be an interesting type.

Ed is furious, a bit possessive too –old school, remember he’s almost 300 years old- and won’t be happy just to hear Ruud’s apologies.

I think I’m gonna be exorcised by a warlock named Nikolae the Long, who comes from the Middle Ages with some old methods and all. We’ll see what happens.

XXX.

Leni Qinan said...

Life is a battle between good and evil, Sage and the struggle to survive makes it so so exciting! Come back for more!

Take care!

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Skeeter!

Wait and see what a mysterious and strange character will soon enter into stage. A sorcerer who will have some problems to turn people back to their normal state. I hope you’ll like it.

The rich guy with domestic helpers is one of the best guys on earth, really. Love is the answer ;))

Best wishes 2 U 2!

Leni Qinan said...

Borah, Borah… tsk tsk, sometimes you’re really really a bad girl!

PS.- ((Congrats on your new job in the UK and prospects in Holland. I follow you closely and cross my fingers for your future success)).

Take care.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Maxi!

There’s a little problem with Nikolae (just allow me some hours to write about it and you’ll find out). He’s good, but not exactly Harry Potter. You know how magic in the Middle Ages worked, right? (concoctions, strange rituals and on. Magic wands hadn’t been invented yet).

PS.- I played The Secret of Monkey Island and LeChuck's Revenge, but man, I was not as good as you: I needed A LOT of help from my cousin (he was great). And btw, I loved Guybrush Threepwood!

Leni Qinan said...

Thanks, Skeeter.

See what happens when you’re dressed in a waitress outfit 2 sizes smaller than yours and you have to bend over. Buttons pop up… what a mess, lol.

In my opinion the image is sexy, attractive and suggestive, which makes people’s mind work more than something too explicit. It’s always my intention with the pics I post: naughty, sexy but not too obvious. I like to stimulate the readerships imagination.
I’m glad that you liked it.

Best wishes

Leni Qinan said...

Ay Fernando, ¿pero cómo me preguntas eso? ¡Con lo que te he echado de menos! ¡Claro y mil veces claro que sí!

El espíritu del rodaballo sigue más vivo que nunca, y acabo de contestar a esos emails con entusiasmo renovado. Me ha hecho muchísima ilusión saber de vosotros.

Un besote, Fernan, y por favor cuídate mucho (sobre todo, no te mojes la barriga, que ya no estás es edad…) ---- es broma, es la mejor edad que hay y los próximos serán mejores.

XXXX y muchos XXXXX

mutleythedog said...

It all seems to be going well! Nice update on the situation. JKR does that....

Leni Qinan said...

I hope ot goes much better and my amnesia is completely gone, Mutts.

(Mutts? Do I know you?) LOL

((If JKR does that, do you think i can do it too?)

Dick said...

I'm sure Gandalf the Gray would know what to do but he is not of this world so we better wait for Nicolae the Long.

Leni Qinan said...

Dick, Nikolae the long is just an amateur compared to Gandalf the Gray, but the magic world of supernaturals is unexpected...