SURREAL ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Farewell at the Tiki bar (II)


It was midday when I woke up in my bed on Sunday, still wearing my black mini-dress and fishnet stockings, with swollen eyes, dispersed make-up and dishevelled hair. I had a splitting headache.

My mobile beeped. I checked the SMS inbox, where three messages from Bob were stored:

Saturday night:
“Len, where are you??”
Sunday morning:
“Len, I hope you’re doing well. I’d love to see you soon”.
And Sunday, later on: “Len, speak!!!”
WOW! That was way too much for Mr. Non-Committal! He nearly filled my inbox!
I smiled. “Cool. He will be soon eating out of my hand” –I thought to myself as I put the phone back into my pocket-.

I was having an aspirin when the doorbell rang. I opened it and I had the shock of my life:

- Hi, Len. How are you? –he asked, leaning on the doorframe.
- Uh oh, to what do I owe the honour of your visit? –I said-. Come in, have a seat. By the way, I hope I didn’t dance naked on the tables at the bar yesterday… I can’t remember very clearly what I did before I left.- You danced naked on my lap. You were absof*ck*ng wonderful and kinky, baby. Your dance has been very acclaimed among the clientelle.- Very funny, Bob. –I said, jaded-

He chuckled.

- Is the hangover over, honey? –he asked-
- Actually that’s a horrible alliteration. I suppose you received good marks in English at school –I said looking to the other side- .
- That’s not alliteration but rhyming, smarty-pants. I see you’re still in a regrettable state. And very resented too.- Oh get lost!
- Hey, child, behave! I am being nice, but I can also be a pain in the ass if you’re nasty! Don’t you check your SMS and your e-mails? I’ve sent you some. –he said, raising his voice-.
- Why should I check your messages?
- Len, you’re being very silly. I worried a lot about you yesterday. Let’s make peace, please. I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I hurt you.
I gazed into his big blue eyes. I could have eaten him alive. But held back my intentions and I anxiously ate a candy bar instead.

- I like you a lot, Len. But I don’t want to get involved. This is not personal; I don’t want to have a relationship with anyone.
- Why do you take so much pleasure from repeating this over and over again? It’s already stuck in my head like glue. I like you a lot too, Bob. And I want you. But you’re too proud to admit that you want me too. That is an irrefutable fact and I'm sorry to be so direct, but that's just the way it is. –I smiled ironically, pointing at him-.
- You won’t stop it until I say ‘yes’, right?- No, baby, I’ll make you beg and that will be a lot worse than a simple 'yes'.
- You’re side splittingly funny, Len. And just for your info: I never beg –he said, laughing-
- You will very soon. –I said throwing daggers at him-. “You have your thoughts and I have mine. This is the fact. And you can't change it even if you kill me”; anarchist quotation, it matches bloody well right here.
There was a deathly silence.

- Anarchist quotation, did you say? -he asked-
- Yes. Why?
- Are you an anarchist?
–he asked-
- My grandparents were anarchists and trade unionists.
- Wow… baby… that is a nice pedigree… I didn’t know it was in your blood! -he said, smiling-
- I’m only side splittingly funny, in your own words. And the butt of your jokes tonight! But yes, it is in my blood -I said, staring at him and nodding energetically-

There was again a deathly silence. What I said made him feel really bad. He was pissed off.

- Even though your grandpas were anarchists, you're nothing but a posh, flighty bird, halfway between a gipsy and an airhead; born in a remote catholic island of redneck ancestors!
I gasped. I was dumbfounded and furious.

- OOOOh what a bunch of political incorrections!!! You are a wacky arrogant, self opinionated weirdo, who goes all over the place screaming “Fuck Orsinia!” (1) and yet wears patriotic Orsinian flag boxers under his trousers! I’m gonna throw up on your shoes! I hate you!!! – I said crying-
-What? ??How did you find out about my boxers??? It's a gift from my ex!!!
- Right, the hot Orsinian babe!-I am over it!- No you're not! And this is the reason why you don’t want anything with me!

There was a deathly silence once more. I terribly regretted having said all that. He stroke my hair, but withdraw his hand straightaway.

- Shit, Len, what’s happening here? I didn’t mean that, honest. You know I would never hurt you.
- Do I know you would never hurt me? –I cried, staring at him-.

We looked at each other very quietly for some seconds. He was finished.

- Len, I’ve had it! I definitely think we’ve gone too far. I’m going home. –he said, and left my flat slamming the door-.

That night, I cried my eyes out again until I fell asleep.
I didn’t hear from him for the next four days, until I got another SMS on Friday morning:

“I’m very sorry. And you should be too. Let’s make peace for hell’s sake”
And this other one, just some two hours later:

“Say something, Len, pls”

And even a third one in the afternoon:
”Come with me to the cheerleader party on Sunday at the club. Please say yes. Love, Bob”.
Love? Had he hit his head perhaps? I took my mobile and sent my answer to him:

“I’m going to the party with Walt”

Just two minutes later he called me and asked, very angry:

-LEN: WHO THE FUCK IS THAT WALT AND WHY ARE YOU GOING TO THE PARTY WITH HIM???
(To be continued)

(1) Orsinia is an imaginary country created by Ursula K. Le Guin and depicted in her book “Orsinian Tales”. It is used here as a false name for the real country I refer to. Yeah, the one on Bob's boxers.




"I will possess your heart" (Death cab for cutie)

18 comments:

Sedi said...

Com sempre perillosa perillosa, aquest noi es el dels cavalls (jejejeje es perque m'entenguis !! ) si no estic perdut una mica jejejeje


Ja tinc ganes de lleguir el final de la historia !!!

Un peto,

Sedi said...

Per cert, has tret el diari de una exclava del teu blog !! o jo no el veig !!!

s said...

I think its apparent:
you two are of ilk nature.


“Cool. He will be soon eating out of my hand”
hahah evil you :P

Mocky

ps im curious how this will end, im looking forward to the next part.

Leni Qinan said...

Hola Sedi!
No, aquest noi no és el dels cavalls sino el de l'espai exterior -ha escrit a sota del teu comentari- amb el que em trobo per les nits aviadet i amb el que vaig a ballar els diumenges. Al dels cavalls... QUE LI DONGUIN PEL CUL!!

El "Diary of a slave" l'he tret perque dins de uns dies registraré i penjaré una versió revisada i complerta de tot el llibre. Está tot planejat: ho anunciaré a un post molt xulo que ja tinc preparat.

Au, cuidat. Petonásss.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Mocky!

So you think Bob and I are of the same ilk nature, right?

I agree with you. It's very apparent, we get along quite well -in spite of the fights-

I think we are rather unconventional but open minded people, curious, funny, unfortunately sometimes misunderstood persons and most of the times "two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl" -rephrasing Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here"-.

Personally, I don't care too much what the rest of the people may think about me -only the ones who care, Bob among them-.

3rd part will be coming out on Monday and I hope you enjoy reading!

Thanks a lot for visiting, I really appreciate!

XXX. Len.

PS.- Yes, I'm evil, but it's true: he will be soon eating out of my hand, hahahahah. And he's gonna love it!!!

Dominic Stevenson said...

I really want to offer advice...I am not amazing at relationships though!

I would probably not get involved any further though...you deserve someone who will adore you for you and not hang onto an ex.

Keep smiling though!

x

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Dom!

Thanks for your sweet comment and your advice offer!

Well, I'm not sure wether Bob is still hanging onto his ex (but the boxers thing is not nice! maybe he should have to change them for the South Sandwich Islands flag! hahaha). I think he doesn't, anyway he is jealous of that mysterious Walt and this clearly means something.

Anyway Dom, let me tell you this: there's a lot of electricity, wildness, excitement, understated controlled romance, and some sort of weird infatuation here. Tension and fun are in the air.

You're invited to come back and read 3rd part. Anything may happen!!

XXX. Leni.

max said...

Leni, Leni...lo que me temía.

Si ni siquiera es capaz de quitarse unos horteras calzones que le había regalado su ex...¡¡¿Cómo va a asumir el más mínimo compromiso?!!

Realmente no sé que ha podido interesarle a una chica mala como tú de semejante flojeras. ¿te dejas deslumbrar por unos "ojitos azules"? ¡Aaaamos anda!

Y espero que en la tercera parte el que termine a moco tendido sea él y no tú (como en las dos anteriores), de lo contrario, te lo aseguro, que me voy a buscarlo...

Leni Qinan said...

Shhh Shhhh Max!!

Vamos por partes:

1)BOB'S CALZONES:
Horteras K TE KAGAS. Pero el problema es que se los regaló su ex!! De eso ya se ha dado cuenta Dominic y es lo que más me mosquea.

2)BOB'S COMPROMISO: Uffffff! Lo que yo quiero no es eso. Imagínate lo que quiero.

3) BOB'S FLOJERA. Es que es del norte (de más arriba de Bilbao) y necesitan un empujoncito. Estoy en ello.

4)BOB'S OJOS AZULES: ME ENCANTAN!! NO LOS PUEDO RESISTIR!!

5)LENI'S MOCO TENDIDO: Max, te aseguro que lo que más quiero en este mundo es un final feliz! Vuelve en unos días y te lo cuento!

Te recomiendo que no te vayas a buscarlo, que sabe hacer granadas virtuales y como se cabree te tira un petardo que te deja tieso. Cuando se cabrea tiene muy mala leche.

Bss y + bss. Leni.

max said...

Ya se lo que quieres Leni, yo lo habría aprovechado al instante sin darle vueltas al asunto del compromiso como hace él; esto puede venir (o no) luego.

Y pa mala leche la mía, te puedes imaginar donde le metería yo sus granadas virtuales (seguramente, hasta le daría gustito y todo).

Leni Qinan said...

¡¡¡MAX!!!

Bien, veo que me captas por donde voy. A mí tampoco me mola lo de una relationship -no quiero obligaciones ni rollos- pero es que el Bob tiene mucho peligro, y aunque en el fondo es buen chaval, necesita que le muestren el camino.

Yo creo que la cosa acabará civilizadamente y con mucho cariño, tal como debe ser, porque en realidad están hechos el uno para el otro, aunque todavía no se han dado cuenta.

((A ver si te comportas un poco, Max, que yo te agradezco la solidaridad, pero tienes uno métodos un poco coercitivos))

XXX. Leni.

sedi said...

Ufff si que va for aixo !!! vaja si que hi han admiradors que et protegixien !! "alegro" per a tu !!!

jejejeeje cuidado !!!! que si no !!!!

cuidat !!

Leni Qinan said...

Hola Sedi!

Síiii, com veus en el fons la gent és maca i ja vaig tenint els meus habituals, que m'estimen molt. No pateixis que aquesta extranya història acabara bé. Ja parlarem i et diré, perque cada día estic més bé amb el tal Bob!

Petonássss i bon cap de setmana!

Dominic Stevenson said...

You cheer me up ever day Leni! You are so insightful, sweet and generally very good at making others feel good! You and my girlfriend are the mainstays of my confidence levels.

Thank you for always taking the time to get in touch and have a read.

Keep smiling and don't forget everyday you make someones life that little bit smilier!

x

Leni Qinan said...

Awww Dom! Thanks! But I don't deserve so sweet and nice words! (You should see me when I get angry, I'm not that nice, hahahaha).

I feel very honoured to count on your confidence and trust, same here.

I like to be in touch, Dom, because I believe in loyalty and from the day I saw you linked my blog to yours I felt you deserved at least my attention, in return.

But when I had a look at your posts, I thought they were very good and that they deserved to be commented. I really like the way you write and that's not a compliment.

You too are a good virtual friend, and I am very proud of that!

XXX. Keep smiling too! :)

Fernando said...

I´m Back.

Un beso gigante. Por estar ahí.

Grass said...

Wow Leni, you're amazing! How do you manage to be angry and nasty and a clown at the same time?? Hahaha! I enjoyed reading your exchange of "angry" words at each other. I am still laughing my arse off here! Gosh! :-) I have to admire you for being so adorably cocky too! LOL

The advantage of reading these blogs I missed out is that I won't have to wait for the other parts to come out! Will be reading the third part now.. (*excited*)


xxx Grass

Leni Qinan said...

Hahahaha thanks sweety!

Well, you surely know that when you face a clever opponent in the game of life, it can be a rather stimulating, nice and funny war! I am a bit of a clown all the time; I try to look for the joke first, dear, then I may be nasty and angry, but the joke always goes first!

Cocky? Who? Meee? Hahahahahah. Thanks baby, this is a very nice compliment, I like it!

XXX. Leni.