SURREAL ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Hellgirl (III)

- Ok. Don’t panic. –said Hellgirl scratching her chin-.
- Aw I’m gonna loose him! –I cried buckets, as Percy handed me more tissues to wipe away my unstoppable tears-
- No way! –she said-

Hellgirl snapped her fingers and a big square blackboard appeared. She gave Percival a tap on the head and said to him:

- Percy, please take my dictation on the board and show us your writing skills.

Percy shook his head strenuously, folded his arms and let out a big green nasty fart. That was far more disgusting than the burp thing. He was dying of laughter. Hellgirl took out two clothes pegs from her pocket, and offered me one of them.

- Grrr… Take one and save your life, sis. –she said-

I quickly blocked my nose to avoid sudden cruel death caused by Percy’s lethal gas threatening to invade my nostrils.

- Percy, I’m so cheesed off about all this! Next time you pass gas I’ll show you how easy it is to get burnt on the spot with the smelly stuff. –she shouted, showing him a flame thrower-

Percy decided to behave and started writing furiously on the blackboard, in the fashion of a principal, as Hellgirl said:

- To play Cupid is one of my favourite things. I’ve just put my thinking cap on and I can come up with several hypotheses to pose.
- Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.
–sang Percy doing a somersault in the air-.
- What a gifted singer and poet you are, Percy. And what a shame all this talent will be missed. But I may consider selling you to a circus if someone pays enough. Now will you be as kind as to write down my list of hypotheses, please? –said Hellgirl-

Percy nodded, and Hellgirl started enumerating:

1. Bob/Leni.
2. Max/Orsinian girl.
3. Max /Leni.
4. Bob/Orsinian girl.
5. Max/Bob.
6. Leni/Orsinian girl.

- Now which one would you choose, Leni?
–she asked-
- Number 1, of course. I suppose you can forget about 3, 4, 5 and 6.
- Good. We’ll concentrate in matchmaking Bob and you; I have some ideas about Max and the Orsinian girl too; any suggestions, Percy? -asked Hellgirl-
- Yeah, why not me and the Orsinian girl? What if I send her my pantless pic? I look so gorgeously gorgeous! -answered Percy-
- I don’t think she would appreciate your fine and subtle sense of humour, shorty.
- What about Bob and Max then? –asked Percy-
- Are you gonna send them your pantless pic too? I don't know how they would take that. I’m afraid they’re not into boys. -said Hellgirl, sighing-

She conjured up a small golden cage, where she imprisoned him. Percival went mad and started shouting.

- Hey, Hellgirl. What do you think about giving back to Percy his human appearance? Give it a thought. He may start behaving if you do. –I said-
- Not until he pays me. –said Hellgirl-
- How much does he owe you?
- 5.208.649,95 G. And he is poor as a church mouse. He will polish Hell’s floors for eons until he redeems his debt.

- Wow. What a future. It could be murder.
- He asked for it. I am fed up with bathroom jokes and potty humour. But we were fixing your problem, Leni. Let’s see… I have a magic potion somewhere that will drive Bob crazy about you.
- No.
- Why not.
- I appreciate a lot your interest and efforts, but if Bob falls in love with me, it must be for real. No supernatural help. No spells or potions. I have to work it out by myself.
- Hm. I see. Typical human. May I ask you something, Leni? -she said and chuckled-
- Sure.
- Since the cell phone won’t work and it will take you at least eight hours to get to Orsinia without my help, why don’t you try some technology? What about sending him an e-mail?
- He doesn’t check his e-mails unless I tell him
–I said sadly-
- What about a Messenger session? That would be fast and live.
- He did with his Orsinian ex, but not with me. -I said, very sadly-
- What about a chat on Skype?
- I don’t think he has it.
- Friendster.
- Nope.
- Blogger.
- No.
- Facebook.
- No, even.
- Jeez, Leni. Your man seems to be living in the dinosaur Era! We’re old as Methuselah in Hell, but we are up to date here with new technologies!
- Apart from his online games and the cell phone, which he has just switched off… not exactly in the dinosaur Era but maybe he’s still in the Middle Ages.
- Yeah, I can imagine him like the headless horseman in his dark cape, messing around with a big sword and all. If I were you I wouldn’t use the snail mail. Your message could be lost forever. Hm… Percival could deliver your letter.
- No, Hellgirl. I have to do it myself.


Hellgirl smiled wickedly.

- Percy is a dork, but I’m afraid you have no choice. –she said-
- Let me outta here! I need to pee! –screamed Percival from the cage-
- There is more than enough space between the cage bars for your wee wee, Percy. And you will mop the floor then. -said Hellgirl-

She was dying of laughter.

- Are you going to teleport to Orsinia, silly? This happens only in the movies and computer online games! The Devil’s minions can orbit anywhere, but you can’t!!! –she said-
- There’s another way to reach him. -I said seriously-

They got closer and stared at me.

- How? –asked Percy-
- Lucid dreaming. –I answered-
- Wow, what’s that? –asked Hellgirl-
- Simply dreaming while being aware you are dreaming. If I can control my dream I will meet him. -I answered-
- It means he should be lucid dreaming as well if you want him to get your message.
–said Hellgirl-
- That’s right. Dreaming is believing.
- Do you really think this will work? –asked Percy, very curious-
- I will never know if I don’t try.
- Well, you said something clever at last. Good luck, Leni. Have sweet lucid dreams –said Hellgirl- Don’t get into trouble. And remember that you can call me whenever you want just by saying “Hey Hellgirl”; don’t summon me performing those silly, bloodthirsty satanic rituals, please. That’s just nerd.


We hugged. Percy also wanted a little cuddle. He dived into my shirt’s neckline and tried to get into my bra. I pulled him out and kissed him.

- Hey, cheeky! –I said-
- Good luck, baby! Call me if Bob’s not home. –he said, nibbling my ear and suddenly flying away-

Percy and Hellgirl disappeared into red clouds as I fell deeply asleep on Hell’s cushions, after having said to myself a hundred times “I want to have a lucid dream”.

In my dream Bob was sleeping in bed; I wished with all my strength that he was awake but just pretending to be asleep. I stroked his hair and kissed his lips softly.

“I’m sorry for loving you so much, baby –I whispered into his ear- but I just can't help it. I’m sorry for trying to discover your secrets and spy on you when you were not looking; sorry for trying to hear your dead silence and see into your loneliness and dark when you were not around. I always wanted to tell you this, but I never dared. I would have loved that you had dreamed about me tonight. But it doesn't really matter now. Goodnight my love, wherever you are”

I kissed him again before I left and, still in a dream state, I flew over the ocean for miles and miles, back to my home in the South Sandwich Islands.

I had been lost on my way, disoriented by the storms. My fake wings couldn’t fly much more and I started losing altitude. I stopped by the edge of the highest mountain range on Earth to get my breath back. A distant flashing light was still shining over Washingdown City.

Luckily, I could also spot my island, the city where I lived, the building where my flat was and my bedroom window. No one saw me fly inside when I quietly got in bed to continue my dream.

(To be continued)




"Beautiful freak" (Eels)

Note: Of course you all know that "Moses supposes" -Percival's rhyme- belongs to the soundtrack of "Singing in the rain". Great film, great song and great performance of Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor. Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH_OKzzZhw8

23 comments:

Grass said...

Oops! I thought this is the final part of the sequel, but I'm glad it isn't! :-)

You're full of wise decisions sis. It's better to work your charm into Bob's arms rather than doing it the "supernatural" way though the latter is quicker. Your friends are right, maybe you shouldn't trust Hellgirl (but you can trust the real whip slasher here! hehe) :-)

I'm looking forward to 4th part of this story sis. :-)


xxx Grass

Grass said...

Btw, I was cracking up about Percy sending his pantless photo! I was imagining him a look-like of Dobby in Harry Potter series. So a mental image of pantless Dobby had me laughing like a hyena! Hahaha! Oh shoot, what will the world be like without you sis and your sense of humor?! must be dull and boring.. :-)

keep smiling!

xxx Grass

Leni Qinan said...

Hum. No, Grass. This story is not finished yet. It’s still happening and I think there will be quite a few stuff going on yet. I’m glad you expect more, this is really stimulating for a writer’s mind like mine and it makes me work!

Hahah “wise decisions” you say. (I’m not exactly wise, dearie, but I appreciate the compliment). Well, I wouldn’t like this love should not be speeded up with tricks from Hell, magic wands or spells. So I have some hard work now –I’m not sure my “charms” (:S) will work-: I have to find out what my chances with Bob are, and work hard on them. What would you do in my place? HELP!!!

I trust the whip slasher, sis (indeed) but I must warn you: she looks and sounds amazingly like Hellgirl! hahahaha.
XXX.

Leni Qinan said...

True, sis, Percy looks a bit like Harry Potter's Dobby and is as annoying as Gollum (from The Lord of the Rings), but he is also as classy as a Brotanian archduke!

Just think of what he may look like in his real shape! (I’d like to dream he looks like Colin Firth and be as shy, reserved and Brotanian as a real archduke, so teasable, hahaha). :D

max said...

Leni,

You finished me! I am so heartbroken!

Anyways, if you don’t take Hellgirl’s supernatural help, I will.
So HEY HELLGIRL, could you make a spell to get me that Tigerlilly Orsinian girl? I hope she looks the Scarlett Johanson type. :o)

Max.

PS1- Btw, I don’t need Percy’s pantless pic, but thanks anyway.

PS2.- Great story, Leni! Great song too! Beautiful freak, hehehe.

Leni Qinan said...

Ok Max,

Sorry to break your heart but I'm sure you will be ok with the stunningly Scarlet-Johanson-like looking Orsinian girl. I'll speak to Hellgirl, I hope she doesn't charge you too much! LOL.

So nobody wants to see Percival's pantless pic? :(
What a shame. He is so proud of it!

Thanks for your sweet comment, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the song. I really like it too!

Take care.
XXX. Leni.

s said...

I too thought that the story would be over, but im pleased to see it isnt. I mean, i wish you 2 would be together of course, but i really enjoy reading the stories, so yay for part III and IV to come :D

Good to read Bob's light is still flashing. That means he is still signaling to you. Im pretty sure you touched him in your dream (how can you not, eh).

I cant wait till thursday to read more about this :D

2 things crossed my mind when i was reading the blog / listening to the song, one of them is in german so im gonna skip that one, the other is from the movie 'fear and loathing in las vegas', when the main character describes his friend: 'Too weird to live, and too rare to die'. lol

Great story Leni, keep 'em coming!

s said...

omg i just finally discovered your vitual pet is alive. haha sometimes im a bit slow ... all this time i was wondering what it was ... turns out, its a batty boy :P

Grass said...

Hi sis.. I'm not sure what I would do in your place, I'd be as confused as well, I guess.. or would have probably given up because I'm like that where guys are concerned.. I give up too easily.. :( unlike you..

Mocky is right. That flashing light may mean that he still thinks about you. Have you tried calling him again? If he's out of reach then give him a few days, I guess. Have more patience dear.

If you happen to run out of it, I'm going to Orsinia myself and make Bob my slave! LOL Maybe that way he'll beg you to save him from cruel me.. HiHi

xxx Grass

Grass said...

Okay Max, I will reserve one Scarlet Johanson type of gal for you. I've got a cageful. But I can't promise you that they'd be as smart as Leni. Scarlett Johanson types usually don't have brains. Would you still want one? LOL

You can find them in one of the pink cages I designed for them in hell. And they're under the rule of my whip. LOL >:-) So just come on over to my place and take one of them >:-)..

xxx Hellgirl

Grass said...

LOL at Mocky! I checked the virtual pet myself and whoah, a cute bat indeed! :-) I used to see live ones during my spelunking adventures in some of the cages here in Philippines. You should see some of them, they're huge and have fangs. They're scary except that most of them actually eat fruits and are rather harmless.. although there are carnivorous ones as well..


Grass :-)

Leni Qinan said...

Mocky? Yes, it’s you. Who else? :P

Over? This story? No way! Bob is a hard nut to crack, and it’s taking me more than usual to score this hit!

I’m soooo glad to know that you enjoy reading the stories :D and look forward to more parts (wooow! I’m all flattered!.)So, yes there are more parts to come.

My intuition tells me that Bob’s light is still flashing, I can feel it (and I saw it too from heaven and hell) but I’m not sure yet if I could touch him. You say how can I not, lol you cheeky!
What a real shame if I didn’t :( Cos what I told him was said heart in hand and I don’t do it very often. I mean being so exposed and honest.

‘Too weird to live and too rare to die’ WOW what a good sentence. You always keep me busy thinking!
I haven’t seen that movie –but now I have to!- and the sentence is making me think a lot.

Some people are just brilliant and outstanding in their weirdness. Yet the rest of the ‘normal people’ will make them feel like they’re freaks for being different, better, far more interesting. But I really like beautiful freaks. :)

XXX. Len.

Leni Qinan said...

Mocky,

I had that dead parrott for the pirate party, but now i have a naughty batty boy, lol.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi sis,

Well, I am very stubborn and he will soon fell into my cluthces, HAHAHAHA (yay! I am harmless, sis I was just pretending...). I'll try hard.

Hm i hope Mocky and you are right about the flashing light. That is a sign. Sis, you're always right, I'll be more patient and call him. We'll see what happens.

Hahaha Bob your slave? No way! He is worse than Percy, lol!

You cruel??? Comeon, sis. NO WAY!
How could such a nice girl be cruel? NO-WAY. :o)

Leni Qinan said...

LOOOOOL talking about being slow, Mocky and Grass! Meet the slowest girl on Earth: ME.

I thought you were talking about Percy as my pet!

Ok I know it's DANGEROUS my blue bat (isn't he cute). He only eats flies and screams. I put it there sooo looong ago and nobody noticed, so he is always discrete and stays inside his folded wings. But clic on it and on the MORE button. Wait and see, hahaha (he is almost as dangerous as I am,lol)

max said...

Wooohooooa, Grass!

Thanks, yessss I still want a brainless Scarlet Johanson-looking gal! *slobbering*. I give up with Leni, she's too smart for me! hahaha.

Ok so pink cages, eh? Do I really have to go to hell to get one? Can't you send her to my place by DHL? You really scare the heck out of me Hellgirl! ;)

Leni Qinan said...

Max:

No way, I'm not too clever for you; I'd rather say you're too clever for Scarlet Johanson, hahaha-.

XXX. Leni. :)

Fernando said...

Madre mía, Leni, cómo se está complicando todo esto...

¿Cómo terminará?

¿Y qué hay de esa fiesta pirata?

Un beso

Leni Qinan said...

Fernan, no tengo ni idea de cuándo terminará. Tal vez nunca termine.

La fiesta pirata ya fue hace varias semanas. Allí estuve, con Bob, el loro difunto y una bandera pirata de casi dos metros. :)
Te habría encantado!

Bss.

Leni Qinan said...

BABBLERS AWAY GUYS, HERE I AM WITH FERNANDO'S TRANSLATION:

Fernando said:
OMG Leni, this is getting far too complicated...

How is this going to end up?

And what about that pirate party?

Kiss.

Leni said:

Fernan, I have no idea when this is gonna end. Maybe never.

The pirate party was some weeks ago. I was there with Bob, the deceased parrot and a pirate flag almost 2 metres high. :)

You would have loved it!

XXX.

Crazy Ro said...

Muy bueno Leni=)

Te paso el link a un blog que me imagino te va a gustar. Yo recien leí los primeros dos meses, pero hasta ahí al menos va muy bien=)

http://esperandoelpernocte.blogspot.com/

(y suerte con la conquista...algunos hombres son duros de roer...y de atrapar ni hablar;)

Besos

Leni Qinan said...

Hola Ro!

Gracias por venir y también por el link! Iré a visitarlo sin falta!

Gracias por desearme suerte. Muy pronto la voy a necesitar, pero yo también tengo armas muy contundentes! ;)

Besos.

Leni Qinan said...

MORE BABBLER THING:

Crazy Ro said:

Very cool Leni=)

Here you have the link to a blog that I imagine you're gonna like. I started reading it on the first 2 months, and at least it's ok up to there=)

http://esperandoelpernocte.blogspot.com/

(and good luck with the conquest... some men are hard nuts to crack... and let's not even talk about catching them;)

Kisses.

Leni Qinan said:

Hi Ro!
Thanks for visiting and also for the link! I will pay a visit!

Thanks for wishing me luck. Gonna need it very soon, but I also have very blunt weapons;)

Kisses.