SURREAL ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Public scandals (II)

Obviously, when you get to be an adult and you have a problem, you don't want to call mom and say “Help me”. But in my situation –arrested in a foreign country, half naked and locked up in a cell- I didn’t hesitate to call Ed.

- Ed. I’m in trouble. I need your help. –I said, nervously-.
- What’s the matter, sweety? –he asked, very alarmed-
- I’ve been arrested in Mawi-Mawi for going topless at the beach and they won’t set me free unless someone bails me out.

He interrupted me, very concerned.

- Stop. Is it forbidden to go topless on Mawi-Mawian beaches? –he asked-
- Yes. There’s a Government Act that bans women sunbathing topless.
- I see. Didn’t they inform you about it before they arrested you?
- Oh yes, they did. They even gave me the chance of getting dressed voluntarily, but I had a fit of histerics and the cops handcuffed me tight. Then, they filed a formal complaint and took me to the station. I’m now locked up in a cell and very scared, Ed.

He sighed.

- Leni, don’t panic. It won’t help. –he said-
- There’s more.
- Oh my. Shoot.
- I know it sounds weird, but I accidentally met Bob here. He was with me when I was arrested. He complained when the cops handcuffed me, and they arrested him too.

He didn’t utter a word. The police agent who let me phone hit the wall with his truncheon, meaning I was running out of time and the conversation should finish on the spot.

- I met him by accident, Ed. We were having a picnic at the beach but I’m not in the least interested in him. Please, believe me.
- You don’t have to explain, Leni.
–he said, sadly-
- But I do want to explain!

He sighed deeply again.

- I’m in South Orsinia now, for business. Hold on a bit and I’ll fly to Mawi-Mawi immediately. It will take me around two hours. And if you still insist on explaining the situation, you’ll be able to do that when we meet. –he said, ironically-

And he put the telephone down without even saying goodbye. I knew he was mad with jealousy but he was doing his best to hide it stolidly.

I hung up the phone. I was escorted to my cell and locked again.

- Are you ready to get a free orange jumpsuit from the Mawi-Mawian State, shorty? Don’t expect your Ed to take us out of here –said Bob from the cell next to mine-
- Oh shut up! He will take us out of here real soon. –I said, sick with fear-

Not even twenty minutes had passed, when I saw something that left me stupefied: the Police Inspector and Moebius Hax entered the corridor followed by two mysterious young ladies carrying briefcases.

The Police Inspector spoke to the agent who had allowed me to phone. After their short conversation, the cop remained laid-back, slowly took his bunch of keys, shuffled along the corridor and opened the door to my cell.

- You’re out of the pokey, missy. –he said-

I couldn’t believe I was free. The air outside seemed sweeter, much fresher. Moebius approached me.

- Hello again, Leni. –he said-
- Hello Moe. What brings you here? –I asked-

Actually, he seemed to be everywhere. I had seen him in the plane; at the bar where I was having a drink with Bob; at the amusement park; and again at the police station. That was a most strange coincidence.

He smirked.

- I’m here on behalf of Ed Davies. He’s flying to Mawi-Mawi. You and Mr. Gausmann will be now released on bail, and after some minor arrangements, you will be cordially invited to leave the country tomorrow.

Had I heard that right? Was I going to be expelled from Mawi-Mawi for going topless on the beach? This is how I knew that my wonderful spring holidays were over.

- My assistants have brought some clothes for you. –said Moebius-

I looked at myself. I felt ridiculous and completely exposed showing my buttcheeks under Bob’s huge t-shirt. One of the assistants opened her briefcase. It contained a beautiful pink dress, pink shoes and a small vanity bag. I got dressed up in the public restrooms and then met Moe, Bob and the assistants at the lobby.

The old cop gave me a plastic bag with all my belongings: my small handbag, my beach wrap… and the most important thing: the diamond ring that Ed had given me.

- So you’re not a jeweler –I said to Moebius, showing him the ring-
- No. I’m not a jeweler, but an attorney general. I represent Ed’s interests in this country. He will meet you at your hotel in one hour. –he said, looking at his watch-

Then, he added:

- By the way, the ring is not fake. It’s an excellent diamond set on the purest white gold ring; Ed ordered it especially for you to the best jeweller in Orsinia.
- I told you I didn’t really mind whether it was true or fake, but why did you lie to me?
- You’d better ask Ed about it.


I had the feeling that Ed had sent Moebius to keep an eye on me. I needed to clear things up with him.

A black Jaguar was waiting for us on Mainstreet.

- Can I say goodbye to my friend before we leave?
- Of course you can. I’ll wait for you in the car.

I turned to Bob.

- Bob, I’m afraid I must be going now.
- What a shame that our picnic had this strange end, Len.
- True.
–I said, looking down-
- This place is crazy and people here are crazy too. I’ll call you when I’m back in Sandwich. I’d like to see you again.
- Take care with these two. They look like Chucky’s brides
–I said, pointing at the assistants-
- Nah… I’m on the verge of convincing them for a threesome.
- Cool. Have fun, then.

The twin assistants giggled when he gave me a peck on the lips and disappeared into his old dirty Jeep Cherokee, as Moebius and I headed to the Majestic Hotel in the Jaguar.

- Following Ed’s instructions, I booked the Queen Suite for you. He will take you back to Sandwich in his private jet.

I can’t remember if I have ever mentioned that Ed was a control freak. He used to plan things carefully beforehand and never left anything to improvisation. And he loved to make star appearances, just like Hellgirl and the rest of supernaturals. It was good for his seductive superego.

So when I opened the door to the Queen Suite… he was already there, having a hot bath, enjoying a cigarette and drinking a glass of bourbon.

He stared at me and asked, phlegmatically:

- Have you finished playing dungeons and dragons yet, Leni?

13 comments:

Grass said...

Well, first and foremost sis, I can't help but comment on the last picture.. is that Johnny Depp? Because even in my pregnant state, I feel hot whenever I see him on the screen.. LOL

So back to your story, it seems like Ed was ahead of you. Gosh, I'm guessing he's conspired with so many people just to keep an eye on you in case you chase dungeons and dragons again (which I agree, you seem to do these things a lot, Ed is so right about this.. :p)..

And did you say diamond set on white gold? i hope the white gold is silver alloyed with platinum and not with nickel. A lot of people seems to be allergic to nickel, see.. *the geek in me speaking*

And you mentioned one of the horror movie characters I used to have nightmares of when I was a kid-Chuck. *remembers those nightmares and hides under the table*

I can't wait to read about part III (I'm guessing there's another part (or parts *winks*)..


xxx

Fernando said...

Hi, Leni and Hi Grass...

You, women, have the tendency to think about conspiracy... Instead of thinking "thanks God because Ed is here...." you prefer to think he is plotting against Leni...

So it´s life...

Leni, this is a brilliant story (and I mean it).

max said...

Leni,

This guy is worth his weight in diamonds, so you better behave. And stop playing dungeons and dragons, silly. If you do, he may ask you an important question soon. That’s my guess.

You know I seldom fail.

Take care and keep us abreast of events.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi sis,

No, that’s not really Johny Depp, but Ed –who looks really hot and a lot like Johny Depp’s twin bro-. (*laughs loud*).

I have several theories about Ed’s conspiration activities. I think it’s simple, but his methods are hard to explain: he cares a lot about someone that sometimes gets into trouble –i.e. me-. As I do care a lot about him, too. But I think he’s setting up a strategy to go a bith farther. We’ll see what happens.

Sis, the ring is made of pure white gold –I’m horribly allergic to nickel and that’s the best proof, as you pointed out; otherwise my finger would swell and get red-. I can just use true jewellery –I’ll tell Ed about it, hahaha-.

WOW you were also scared of Chucky? He’s evil, isnt he?
Sure there is a continuation of this story, Grass! There’s a lot coming up soon!

XXX.

Leni Qinan said...

Dear Fernando,

Thanks for your encouraging words, from the bottom of my heart. I always thought Ed was my guardian angel, my mentor and the love of my life. He’s a very difficult man but he’s the most decent guy I ever met, also. I’m still getting to know him.

The only thing is that he uses strange methods to trace me. I think it would be more simple if he confessed what his true intentions are, don’t you think?

Because I suspect he has a secret goal and he’s going for it. Otherwise he would not be in my back all the time, LOL. But I think I’m a lucky woman to be able to count on him and so I do think ‘Thank God Ed is always there’ several times a day.

Have a nice day!

Grass said...

You are very lucky then sis.. As for me, I can only dream of J.D. or anyone who looks like him. :p

Oh by the way, white gold is actually silver alloyed with either platinum or nickel.. ;-) Though the percentage of silver is a lot compared to Nickel or Palladium (platinum).. if it's palladium-silver white gold Ed gave you, you have yourself a "tesoro".. that's more expensive than gold itself.. ;-)

Captain, we actually find it sweet when guys conspire to watch our back.. so as to keep us from getting into trouble.. ;-) So this is romantic conspiracy and we just love to be in the middle of it.. It only shows that the guy really cares a lot. :-)

I agree with Leni, there's something more ahead.. something wonderful.. I'm looking forward to the next chapters of this story..

big hugs to Max, Capt. Fernan and Leni

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Grassy!

I’m lucky, sis, he’s hot and I love to have a handsome guy beside me.
But don’t think life is a bed of roses with him, as you will be able to see soon. He’s nice but has his funny little ways and is a very difficult man, as I will explain better in the coming post.

I like these mineralogy lectures that you give me from time to time. I learn a lot with you, dear. I didn’t know that white gold was a silver and platinum alloy. Some people over here don’t like it very much because they think it’s silver –but in my opinion, it doesn’t look like silver, it’s more shiny and has a different shade of greyish-. I know I have a real tesoro, dear. But what I’m waiting for is to be told about the meaning of this ring. Because it should have a meaning.

I love the romantic conspiracy you talk about, Grass. It’s the love game, the spice of life. And yes, Grass, there’s more ahead… ;)

Big hug for you too!

Crabbers said...

J'ai fait un retour en arrière ,je me répète mais la pin ups ! Est très jolie ;))

Ne serait-ce pas ,au "Mawi-Mawi" une mesure de précaution !!? Si vous absorbez trop de soleil "comme une centrale solaire photovoltaïque" par tous les pores de la peau vous risquez la surtension , pffff !!

A l'interrogation...OOOh alors, yeux verts...Oui !! Garantis sans colorants et sans lentilles :)

(*bisous bisous*)

Leni Qinan said...

Allô Crabbers!

Elle est très très très jolie, et elle pourrait être même très actuelle!
Vous avez raisosn, il faudrait demander aux médecins du Mawi-Mawi si cette loi est une mesure de protection des gens contre le soleil de l'été, hahah!!

Au sujet des yeux verts: OOOOH la la!!! Je vois deux grandes émeraudes dans un visage souriant... c'est vous? ;) (très jolie la photo, j'ai tombé parterre impressionée!)

(*bisous câlins*)

Skeeter said...

That's a very busy day, Leni! You know it's awfully unsportsmanlike to arrest a topless woman. Very unsportsmanlike indeed. Laws should do quite opposite really. Topless women should be appreciated and maybe even rewarded. It's one of those things I guess when you have to let someone else handle your valuable property like your ring. Great presntation of the story!

Best wishes,

Skeeter

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Skeeter,
You’re areal gentleman!
Hopefully these laws don’t exist anymore in civilised countries (not like Mawi-Mawi) –but there’s a record of women arrested for going topless still in the late 70s-. Our body is not awful or embarrasing; we’re all the same, and there should be a bit of tolerance and natural behaviour, I think.

Best wishes to you too!

Dick said...

I guess Leni has a lot of explaning to do.
But Ed likes her very much so it will be OK.

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Dick!

I guess you're right!
Ed looks like the kind of guy who will always support her, no matter how silly can they get (i think they call it love...) ;))

Take care!