The scummy man (I)

Do you like your job, if you’re lucky enough to have one?

Except for those who are blessed with a vocational or an artistic occupation, there are only a selected few who are happy in their work.

There is no such thing as a perfect job. Normally, when the job is not too hard, you work with assholes. And when you don’t work with assholes, you have a harsh job that doesn’t pay much.

Sometimes you’re expected to do ten things at once and know everything about everything. Some other times you may find yourself sitting at your desk with nothing to do for hours. With luck and cleverness, you will graduate in the fine arts of delegating and skiving, still looking busy.

When I was an employee of the Dumbass Industries, some days I loved my work and some days I hated it. My career suicide happened so fast that I didn’t even realise. I had burned my bridges so badly with Big Cheese that all the head hunters in South Sandwich laughed just to hear my name.

I always thought that nobody should complain about their job, but rather feel lucky to have one. But I hated working for ‘High, Low & partners’ before I had even started. And I didn’t feel any lucky this time.

That escort job of mine pretty much sucked. But I had accepted the job and signed a contract, so that evening I joined Demonius High to the Gritvyken airport, to entertain Leonard Ellison -the Orsinian tycoon- to dinner and shower him with attentions.

Leonard’s private jet landed in South Sandwich at 7pm. When he showed up in the VIP lounge he was preceded by a cortège of assistants, chiefs of cabinet, advisors and bodyguards, all of them elegantly dressed in black and surrounded by reporters, lights and cameras.

With my incredible bad luck, I would be in the newspapers again real soon and my new occupation would be the bombshell of the month in the professional circles. I could almost read the captions: “Dumbass Industries’ ex-chief of cabinet goes through hardships in life and becomes a successful social escort. Ed Davies and Leonard Ellison among her most famous clients”.

I would be marked down as a whore for the rest of my life.

- I hope you’ve had a pleasant trip, Leo. –said Demonius, as they both shook hands-
- It was good, Dem. –answered Leonard, smirking-
- Let me introduce you to Leni Qinan, our latest signing. She will take care of you while you’re here.
- That’s fine. I really like to be well looked after.

He smiled and looked me up and down. What a revolting slobberer. If Demonius expected me to have sex with that guy, he was nuts. I needed a contingency plan immediately.

- I think I forgot my cell phone in the car. Would you mind if I go get it? –I asked-

No, they didn’t mind at all, as long as I’d be back soon. So I started walking in the parking lot direction, but when I lost sight of them, I rushed to the airport’s chemist.

- Can I help you, Ma’am? –asked the chemist-
- Yes, I need a box of Barbituratics. –I answered-
- Could I have the prescription, please?
- Sure. Just a sec –I said, looking for the nonexistent prescription into my bag-

Barbituratics are the most powerful soporifics sold in the Sandwichian drugstores. I needed knockout sleeping pills. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not a downer junkie. Actually, I’ve never had a sleeping pill in my whole life.

I knew about Barbituratics because I had been browsing in the internet to find the name of a drug strong enough to leave Leonard out for the count for at least ten hours. That was my plan.

My plan was very simple: dropping a couple of pills in his drink as soon as he started pestering me, in case he did. He would sleep like a baby until the day after. That would let him out for the count all night and then he would remember nothing.

Of course, I didn’t have the prescription requested by the chemist, but I could be very convincing in extreme situations:

- I’m afraid I’ve lost it on my way to the check-in counter. Oh my, I’m flying in half an hour and I need to take a pill or I’ll have a panic attack when the plane takes off! –I sobbed-

The guy stared at me.

- Are you really so afraid of flying? –he asked-.
- Indeed. It scares the hell out of me. –I pouted-
- Hm… wait, maybe I can arrange it.

He left. One minute later he came back carrying a small black box containing two red shiny pills.

- You should try this. They call them Red Devils. They’re brand-new. One pill and you’ll get 8 hours of sleep just a few minutes after swallowing it. –he said-
- Are you sure? I always trusted my Barbiturates.
- I'm sorry, but I can't sell Barbiturates without a prescription. These are even more powerful and totally harmless. You should only take one now.
- Excellent. This is what I needed. I’ll save the other one for the return trip.
- I hope this works. It’s 100 G.

That was incredibly expensive, but it was worth paying. I was a bit desperate.

I rushed back to the VIP lounge, where Demonius and Leonard were having a drink in a private room, talking about business.

- Leni, please join us for dinner tonight at Chez François. –said Leonard-
- With pleasure. –I said, pretending to be very happy with the idea-
- Nice kid, eh? Why don’t we take my limo? –said Leonard pointing at me and winking at Demonius, who winked back at him-

Oh man. Was it just my imagination or weren’t both of them absolutely loathsome?

Chez François was the most expensive and exclusive restaurant in the South Sandwich Islands. Of course, he insisted on me sitting next to him, which I did, pretending to be happy as a clam.

We were served lobster à l’Orsinienne, parmentier with duck, foie and truffles and clafoutis aux abricots, by formal waiters wearing black uniforms. Demonius ordered an excellent mature wine to go with the duck. But I couldn’t have a bite to eat, just thinking of what was coming after the pantagruelian dinner.

At the end of the meal, I swallowed a decaffeinated coffee and tried to be a good conversationalist. That was a real mistake: Leonard looked even more fascinated with every word I pronounced.

- Why don’t we have the last drink in my hotel suite? –asked Leonard-
- That’s an excellent idea, Leo. –answered happily Demonius-
- Not you, stupid. I was talking to Leni. –said Leonard, a bit drunk-.



"When the sun goes down" (Arctic Monkeys)