SURREAL ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH SANDWICH ISLANDS

Sunday, July 19, 2009

The scummy man (I)

Do you like your job, if you’re lucky enough to have one?

Except for those who are blessed with a vocational or an artistic occupation, there are only a selected few who are happy in their work.

There is no such thing as a perfect job. Normally, when the job is not too hard, you work with assholes. And when you don’t work with assholes, you have a harsh job that doesn’t pay much.

Sometimes you’re expected to do ten things at once and know everything about everything. Some other times you may find yourself sitting at your desk with nothing to do for hours. With luck and cleverness, you will graduate in the fine arts of delegating and skiving, still looking busy.

When I was an employee of the Dumbass Industries, some days I loved my work and some days I hated it. My career suicide happened so fast that I didn’t even realise. I had burned my bridges so badly with Big Cheese that all the head hunters in South Sandwich laughed just to hear my name.

I always thought that nobody should complain about their job, but rather feel lucky to have one. But I hated working for ‘High, Low & partners’ before I had even started. And I didn’t feel any lucky this time.

That escort job of mine pretty much sucked. But I had accepted the job and signed a contract, so that evening I joined Demonius High to the Gritvyken airport, to entertain Leonard Ellison -the Orsinian tycoon- to dinner and shower him with attentions.

Leonard’s private jet landed in South Sandwich at 7pm. When he showed up in the VIP lounge he was preceded by a cortège of assistants, chiefs of cabinet, advisors and bodyguards, all of them elegantly dressed in black and surrounded by reporters, lights and cameras.

With my incredible bad luck, I would be in the newspapers again real soon and my new occupation would be the bombshell of the month in the professional circles. I could almost read the captions: “Dumbass Industries’ ex-chief of cabinet goes through hardships in life and becomes a successful social escort. Ed Davies and Leonard Ellison among her most famous clients”.

I would be marked down as a whore for the rest of my life.

- I hope you’ve had a pleasant trip, Leo. –said Demonius, as they both shook hands-
- It was good, Dem. –answered Leonard, smirking-
- Let me introduce you to Leni Qinan, our latest signing. She will take care of you while you’re here.
- That’s fine. I really like to be well looked after.

He smiled and looked me up and down. What a revolting slobberer. If Demonius expected me to have sex with that guy, he was nuts. I needed a contingency plan immediately.

- I think I forgot my cell phone in the car. Would you mind if I go get it? –I asked-

No, they didn’t mind at all, as long as I’d be back soon. So I started walking in the parking lot direction, but when I lost sight of them, I rushed to the airport’s chemist.

- Can I help you, Ma’am? –asked the chemist-
- Yes, I need a box of Barbituratics. –I answered-
- Could I have the prescription, please?
- Sure. Just a sec
–I said, looking for the nonexistent prescription into my bag-

Barbituratics are the most powerful soporifics sold in the Sandwichian drugstores. I needed knockout sleeping pills. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not a downer junkie. Actually, I’ve never had a sleeping pill in my whole life.

I knew about Barbituratics because I had been browsing in the internet to find the name of a drug strong enough to leave Leonard out for the count for at least ten hours. That was my plan.

My plan was very simple: dropping a couple of pills in his drink as soon as he started pestering me, in case he did. He would sleep like a baby until the day after. That would let him out for the count all night and then he would remember nothing.

Of course, I didn’t have the prescription requested by the chemist, but I could be very convincing in extreme situations:

- I’m afraid I’ve lost it on my way to the check-in counter. Oh my, I’m flying in half an hour and I need to take a pill or I’ll have a panic attack when the plane takes off! –I sobbed-

The guy stared at me.

- Are you really so afraid of flying? –he asked-.
- Indeed. It scares the hell out of me. –I pouted-
- Hm… wait, maybe I can arrange it.

He left. One minute later he came back carrying a small black box containing two red shiny pills.

- You should try this. They call them Red Devils. They’re brand-new. One pill and you’ll get 8 hours of sleep just a few minutes after swallowing it. –he said-
- Are you sure? I always trusted my Barbiturates.
- I'm sorry, but I can't sell Barbiturates without a prescription. These are even more powerful and totally harmless. You should only take one now.
- Excellent. This is what I needed. I’ll save the other one for the return trip.
- I hope this works. It’s 100 G.

That was incredibly expensive, but it was worth paying. I was a bit desperate.

I rushed back to the VIP lounge, where Demonius and Leonard were having a drink in a private room, talking about business.

- Leni, please join us for dinner tonight at Chez François. –said Leonard-
- With pleasure. –I said, pretending to be very happy with the idea-
- Nice kid, eh? Why don’t we take my limo? –said Leonard pointing at me and winking at Demonius, who winked back at him-

Oh man. Was it just my imagination or weren’t both of them absolutely loathsome?

Chez François was the most expensive and exclusive restaurant in the South Sandwich Islands. Of course, he insisted on me sitting next to him, which I did, pretending to be happy as a clam.

We were served lobster à l’Orsinienne, parmentier with duck, foie and truffles and clafoutis aux abricots, by formal waiters wearing black uniforms. Demonius ordered an excellent mature wine to go with the duck. But I couldn’t have a bite to eat, just thinking of what was coming after the pantagruelian dinner.

At the end of the meal, I swallowed a decaffeinated coffee and tried to be a good conversationalist. That was a real mistake: Leonard looked even more fascinated with every word I pronounced.

- Why don’t we have the last drink in my hotel suite? –asked Leonard-
- That’s an excellent idea, Leo. –answered happily Demonius-
- Not you, stupid. I was talking to Leni. –said Leonard, a bit drunk-.





"When the sun goes down" (Arctic Monkeys)

22 comments:

rebecca said...

Oh, I like where this is going! I can't wait to see what those pill really do! Good safe, Len....keep it coming!

Antoni said...

Hi Leni,

what a trap. I am curious how she will manage to escape. I can't await to read the next chapter. A week can be so long.
If the pills hold what the pharmacist promised, you can consider using one for him and later on one for Leni. They will have a relaxing and innocent night.

If this doesn't work: A hard punch on the liver, right under the ribs kills any amorous ambitions on the spot, and it might end the new career as well.
Take care

Your Antoni

Gorilla Bananas said...

If he's drunk he's probably impotent. You'll still have to let him paw you, but you can make him wash his hands first.

Fernando said...

Cant wait to read the outcome...

Have a nice week, Leni.

max said...

Oh Leni, you're a genius!
You'll soon have a few horny tycoons on your back during the day but snoring beside you at night! LOL.
Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Grass said...

i wish that pill knocks him out for good! LOL Nice contingency plan by the way, but also very expensive. Oh well, at least you still get a refund after you're paid by Demonius for a service that hopefully won't happen. Ewww.. I really can't imagine gorgeous you hanging out with a man as abominable man as Leonard. I'm wary of filthy rich guys like him.

Well, as always, I'm looking forward for the next chapter.. :D


xxx

Crabbers said...

Les emmerdeurs sont les pires " trou du cul ".

Malheureusement, on ne le sait pas réellement !
Au dix-septième siècle, elle était très péjorative car elle désignait un personnage stupide, ridicule ou mal bâti (utilisée entre autres par Molière), mais sans qu'on sache vraiment pourquoi c'est l'as de pique qui a été retenu pour cette désignation.
Au dix-neuvième, la ressemblance approximative du pique à un croupion de poulet a provoqué la naissance de l'argot as de pique pour désigner l'anus. Quelqu'un qui se faisait alors traiter d'as de pique était donc simplement un "trou du cul".


Plutôt qu'un soporifique il y a ce que l'on donnait aux soldats , une arme redoutable !! " le bromure " Utile pour la " débendade" et non pas pour la " débandade "


(*un bisous ! un bisous ?.. d'une douce amitié !!!*)

Leni Qinan said...

Sorry for the delay with my answers to your comments, guys, but Mother Qinan has been a bit sick at hospital these days.

Hopefully it wasn't serious, but enough to keep me out of the blog for a couple of days until things got better. She'll be back home on the weekend, telling me to eat my broccoli very sooon, and I'm now ready to comment back. ;D

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Rebecca!

When I say I have a contigency plan… I mean this! Something to make him sleep for the whole week!

((abrazos))

PS.- ((Sounds like growing up, from Leni to Len, hahah. It’s funny, nobody ever called me Len before you did, except the untamable Bob Gausmann ;D))

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Antoni!

Oh no, dear, I think both pills are for Leonard. I'm a night owl, so I dont need much sleep to survive. I prefer to do the things I can't do during the day, so no sleeping pills for me.

Your suggestion about punching the guy hard on the liver would be very effective, but I'm not very strong. Maybe if I kneed him in the b*lls. To be sure, my escort carrer would end on the spot right there.

Big hug.
Your Leni

Leni Qinan said...

My Bananas,

Impotent? Oh my, I really wish he was. But I'm afraid he also has an ace up his sleeve.

I'm afraid you're right: everything tells me that there will be a good pawing session with or without handwash. ;D

Leni Qinan said...

More in a few days!

Nice week for you too, Fernando. Mine is being a bit hard, but getting better now.

Safe paths, and I wish you have a nice sailing journey on the weekend!

Leni Qinan said...

((OOps sorry, typo: It was intended to be

MR BANANAS,

not MY BANANAS

anyway... now that we are achieving a mutual empathy, it sounds quite good to me, ;D

Leni Qinan said...

Oh Max,

I'm not a genius but a total failure, my friend!
There is only one horny tycoon that I'd like to have on my back :(

Next instalment very soon.

Take care!

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Grassy!

You're right, my plan is very effective but only in case of emergency, and it is extremely expensive.

Not to mention the risk of being caught poisoning Demonius's clients with sleeping pills. But jeez... Leonard is really scummy and so arrogant.

You're welcome to come back for more, hahaha. The story is in progress!

Big hug

Leni Qinan said...

Cher Crabbers,

Aaaah, le bromure, j'en ai entendu parler. C'est cette substance don't les soldats en prenait secrètement triturée avec son café au lait du petit déjeuner! Et ça leur rendait asexués?

Je voudrais en acheter un peu pour Monsieur Leonard-trou-du-cul. C'est une meilleure solution que les soporifiques, certainement.
Merci du conseil!

(*oui, un bisous doux et encore curatif*)

PS.- Ça va mieux? ;D

Grass said...

Oh dear, I hope mother Qinan gets well real soon. Please give her my hugs and kisses from the land of beautiful beaches and bitches (like moi). ;-)

and hugs and kisses for you as well..

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Grassy, thank you very much. Mother Qinan says hello and sends a big hug too!
She's getting much better after receiving huge shots of antibiotics. She will leave the hospital on the weekend, and next week I'll take her to the Sandwichian north-eastern coast, where Aunt Qinan look after her and help her get stronger.

Big hugs and kisses for you too, sweety (lol, to the land of beautiful beaches and bitches, hahaha) ;S

Crabbers said...

Ce Léonard , N'est pas le fils illégitime d’un notaire et d’une jeune paysanne !!? Celui qui utilisa cette fameuse technique "le sfumato " en superposant plusieurs couches pour peindre ou dépeindre Mona Lisa !
Parce Qu'il en tient une couche Léonard ! :)

Comme tu le vois je déménage un peut de la cafetière , c'est que ça va beaucoup mieux !!! :)

(* Un bisous tout en couleur *)

Leni Qinan said...

Mon cher Crabbers,

Je suis très contente de voir que tu rigoles à nouveau –c’est clair que ça va beaucoup mieux- et c’est tout simplement fantastique voir le déménagement de la cafetière, hahaha (ça m’arrive aussi !).

Ce Léonard est un vrai salopard. Pauvre Demonius et pauvre moi. Mais mes somnifères le rendront lourd et endormi comme la belle au bois dormant!

(*un bisous très content*)

Sue said...

Quite the well put together post. I love the photos.

I am not gay though...i don't think!

Leni Qinan said...

Hi Sue! Welcome and thanks!

I'm glad that you loved the pics.
I'm not gay either, but if Leonard was the only man on earth, I would!